The Morning Briefing - September 14, 2015
NEW BRUNSWICK – It seems Rutgers football now has more internal investigations than J. Edgar Hoover, with word that superstar receiver Leonte Carroo has been suspended indefinitely. For those who torture ourselves by following this team, we mourn the incredible loss of opportunity. No one knows more than a RU fan that it takes years – if not decades – to build a powerhouse. This year’s team has the raw talent to compete, it just can’t keep its misbehaving roster from the stupidity that’s destroying academic and professional careers.
ATLANTIC CITY – The final PR gimmick in the Miss America contest mercifully ends this morning, as the winner, Miss Georgia, takes the traditional romp into the Atlantic Ocean to show all the fun and frivolity in this pageant that, let’s just say, has gripped every old age home in America. To modernize this contest – which we assume was the first generation of reality television – perhaps the contestants should run a pawn shop, get fired by Donald Trump and live with seven siblings - all while being forced to keep up with a Kardashian.
UNION TOWNSHIP – We reported last week about the 100-pound tortoise that somehow broke out the backyard and “sped off,” prompting a massive search by the dedicated souls of the Pattenburg Volunteer Fire Company. After five days on the lam, a motorist spotted the tortoise on the side of the road, apparently making a run for the border. The tortoise was able to meander for a mile, before being spotted. NJ.com says the tortoise and its owner had a tearful reunion Friday, although the pet is officially in “time out,” while his cage is fixed.
STATEWIDE – With the Jewish holiday, it is not exactly a robust news day in New Jersey. The Gloucester mayor will be swearing in four new cops and promoting others, State Sen. Robert Singer has a golf outing, the Nutley Little Theater Co. is concluding auditions to cast six men and one woman in a play and – if that is not enough – it’s also National Drive Electric Week to raise awareness of electric cars.
IN THE MEDIA
STATEWIDE – New Jersey newspaper publishers are celebrating this morning that Gov. Chris Christie has dismissed their products as “rags” and urged people not to read them. Nothing gives the media more relevancy than when a Presidential candidate tells the people to turn to him for the facts, as opposed to a critical fourth-estate that keeps highlighting lane closures, federal charges and resignations. Christie says we should “just stop reading newspapers” when it comes to Bridgegate. Um, ok.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PIKESVILLE, MD — Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss, but apparently not in this Baltimore burb. An eighth-grade boy now faces second-degree assault charges, suspension or expulsion for planting one on a 14-year-old girl in the local middle school, the Baltimore Sun reports. The sweet-lipped suspect told school staff and police he kissed her on a dare. The girl, on the other hand, says he pulled her toward him by her shirt and gave her a big, fat wet one against her will. Now a judge will decide: Truth or dare?
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1994 that Major League Baseball went on strike, putting an end to the much-hyped, but short-lived, baseball career of basketball legend Michael Jordan. A bullet dodged, or an opportunity crushed? The world will never know.
WORD OF THE DAY
Apple-knocker – noun
Definition: An unsophisticated person
Example: Jeez, is this going to be another hit on the GOP frontrunner for President?? Can’t you find someone else to write about? So, now he is arrogant, abrasive, orange AND an apple-knocker?? Puh-leeze.