The Morning Briefing - August 12, 2015
FLORHAM PARK – The Jets have never recovered from that infamous 2012 butt fumble, courtesy of Mark Sanchez. It seems whenever something good happens – like QB Geno Smith having a hopeful preseason – the bumbling “Same Old Jets” resurface. A dispute over $600 was the stupid reason why back-up linebacker IK Enemkpali sucker punched Smith in the locker room yesterday, breaking his jaw and putting him on the DL for up to 10 weeks. Enemkpali has been kicked out of training camp. It is unfathomable to mess with your starting QB – even Pop Warner kids know that. The only logical reason? It's the curse of the Same Old Jets. Still, we wish Enemkpali well at whatever car wash ultimately gives him a job.
BOGOTA – The steady decline of local news coverage in New Jersey is one of the reasons we typically miss out on spats like this: The Record is reporting a fight among Bogota officials, squabbling over whether the public works superintendent should keep his designated parking space. The superintendent is crying politics – his wife is a local councilwoman running for mayor this fall. The mayor argues the superintendent doesn’t need his own parking space because municipal vehicles can park anywhere they want. Will the superintendent lose his coveted parking space? Find out Aug. 20, when the borough council continues this thrilling debate.
BAYONNE – Then there's the ornery senior citizen who got himself all keyed up and struck the mayor’s aide in the face with his cane. The Jersey Journal reports the old guy got frustrated when the aide couldn’t find his keys. Apparently, the man asked city workers to keep an eye on them yesterday, and got upset when no one could find. The scrappy senior was not arrested, as the aide was not seriously hurt. The mayor’s office might suggest this fellow spend more time at another public building – like the 56th Street senior center, with its nice, relaxing games of bingo.
NOT LOCAL — Wanna wish upon a star? Then, tonight is your night. The Perseid meteor shower is putting on its peak celestial show from 11 p.m.–4:30 a.m. with as many as 120 meteors an hour flaming into Earth's atmosphere at 130,000 mph, says the excited people at Sky & Telescope Magazine. These meteors are bits of ice, rock and dirt shed from the Swift-Tuttle Comet last time it passed our way on its 133-year trek around the sun. Each August, Earth's orbit carries us through its debris trail, offering us a nice show. If tonight's skies are overcast, don't worry. The Perseids continue through Aug. 24 - except you may only get to see 110 meteors an hour. We challenge you to notice the difference.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
VANCOUVER – Just when we thought we cornered the world market for wackiest political candidates, Canada has snuck out of nowhere with Wyatt Scott. This guy, running for Parliament in rural British Columbia, is out with a YouTube video declaring he wants to “fight for Canada.” Then, with all these special effects, he jumps on a Canadian goose and stabs a dragon through the head. Then, he rescues a falling man, fist bumps an alien, and uses his heat ray vision to burn a hole in another alien – all while complaining about the high cost of college. This obviously low-budget video, made from some kids that Scott found on Craigslist, must be seen to believe. See it here.
ON THE PRARIE – Capitol Hill is a long way from her “Little House on the Prairie,” but that's where former child star Melissa Gilbert wants to blaze her next trail. The 51-year-old Democrat threw her bonnet into the race for a Michigan congressional seat. Gilbert, who never shed her nice-girl image through a slew of made-for-TV movies, is already under fire from her one-term incumbent GOP opponent who says our favorite little Ingles is a “tax cheat.” Gilbert made a deal with the IRS to pay $360,000; California has another $112,000 in tax liens against her. Perhaps she can pay it off with some of ma’s freshly churned butter.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was a bruising baseball season for Don Baylor, setting a Major League record for getting hit with his 25th pitch of the season on this day in 1986.
WORD OF THE DAY
Taradiddle – noun
Definition: pretentious nonsense
Example: “We haven't got time to listen to more taradiddles, I'm afraid, Dumbledore.” — Cornelius Fudge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix