The Morning Briefing - August 11, 2015
CAMDEN – With Pope Francis arriving in Philly next month, don’t expect to book a hotel room. But you can secure a bunk on a battleship in another state. The Battleship New Jersey is advertising that 400 bunks are available for just $75 per night between Sept. 22 and Sept. 26. Before you guffaw, the package also includes breakfast and dinner, as well as tours of the ship and a ride on a flight simulator. Just don’t expect coffee makers, blow dryers or, uh, even showers. Plus, you are in Camden and the Ben Franklin Bridge will be closed to traffic during the papal visit. But you can always swim on over and consider it your morning shower. We’ll leave the light on.
SOUTH BRUNSWICK – Sure, people get arrested for lots of stuff, but serial foot massaging? A 19-year-old local man is facing harassment charges for chronically massaging the feet of several lifeguards as they tried to guard the pool, Gannett reports. One frustrated guard at the Nassau Square Clubhouse took a photo of the teen after he refused to stop the massage. She then called the cops. It was then learned the Franklin police were dealing with this chronic massager, too. The silver lining: plenty of inmates in the holding cell would like a foot massage.
WEST MILFORD – Crisis in West Milford, where the township’s newly hired public works director is already getting a free vacation with pay, accused of killing a pair of baby birds last week with pesticide. The Record reports the DPW director will continue to earn his $80,000 salary, while cops, the Passaic County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals and the state DEP conduct a full investigation. Mayor Bettina Bieri – a self-proclaimed animal lover - was apparently appalled that the employee dumped the pesticide in the nest, rather than just removing it from the DPW yard. Township authorities escorted him from the premises on Friday by order of the mayor.
WEST MILFORD — More crisis in West Milford, where a township councilman is charged with trying to break a woman’s arm. The complaint also alleges he pushed her into a dresser and into the bathroom, smashed her cell phone against a bed post when she tried to call the cops and fled police when they arrived. The Record identifies the councilman as Michael Hensley, a first-term member up for election in November. He is not charged with killing any baby birds, but one would assume the opposition should still be able to win this seat on Election Day.
TRENTON – Difficult to tell which constituents Gov. Chris Christie is working for these days, as national conservatives are applauding his second veto of a bill that would have allowed transgendered people to amend their birth certificates without proof they underwent a sex-change operation. The governor’s rationale? Such a bill would create security concerns and “legal uncertainties,” as birth certificates are the key to passports, driver’s licenses, etc. Ok, but this issue can’t continually be ignored by veto. As transgender people get a larger voice in New Jersey, will they need to wait until the next governor? (Answer: Yes)
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL - Political candidates from both parties will be eagerly awaiting the release of Gov. Christie's "valuable asset," a list of 2,500 of the top media contacts created by his taxpayer-funded communication's staff. An organization known as New Jersey Watchdog filed suit to compel the governor to release the list in June. The governor's office refused to comply, arguing that the list was a "valuable asset" that would give New Jersey Watchdog an "unfair competitive advantage" over other media outlets. A Superior Court judge disagreed and ordered Christie to release the list by Aug. 17. Read more here.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
TEXARKANA, Texas – Gotta love Texas justice. A judge forced a 20-year-old local man to marry his teenage girlfriend or go to jail for 15 days. Apparently, the groom got into a fistfight with the blushing bride’s ex-boyfriend. To avoid prison, this backwater judge ruled, the pair would have to be hitched in 30 days, and the groom would need to write Bible verses and attend counseling, KLTV reports. If there was ever a time to kneel to the ground and thank the heavens you live in New Jersey, the time is now.
AT THE DINER – Seems that bacon now comes with everything – from ice cream to turkey to cupcakes. And that is causing the price of this piggy goodness to explode 174 percent in recent months. Wendy's is selling bacon fries and McDonald's has a sausage and bacon breakfast sandwich. And people on a diet are ordering their itty, bitty salads, which just happen to include heaps of bacon. Our uneducated investment suggestion: invest heavily in pork bellies.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2012 that the “Romney for President Campaign” stirred even more excitement and fervor, announcing that the original party animal (aka Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan) would be the VP candidate, as this dynamic duo prepares its sweep to victory.
WORD OF THE DAY
Salopettes – noun
Definition: High-waist skiing pants with shoulder straps
Example: Earl would wear his favorite salopettes to slop the pigs.