The Morning Briefing - July 22, 2015
FRANKLIN – The last we checked, Roy Rogers was an outdated, uninspired fast-food restaurant chain that seemed to be heading the way of Howard Johnson’s. But apparently it is making a comeback – or at least the marketing folks want us to think that. We are led to believe that hundreds of people were eagerly waiting in line yesterday for the grand opening of a Roy Rogers in Sussex County. Apparently, there are not enough fast food joints dotting every major roadway, prompting all of these people to hungrily descend on the building beginning at midnight, camping out for the 10:30 a.m. opening. Yee-Haw? Were they handing out free vouchers to a Chipotle?
NEWARK – There’s plenty of gold in the cemetery monument business, and the Archdiocese of Newark wants in. State lawmakers, bowing to the pressure of the cemetery industry, passed a law banning the church from becoming a competitor, the Record reports. With so much cash at stake, the Archdiocese is bouncing back with a federal lawsuit, with its lawyers unveiling a cartoon video showing monument dealers as a cartel. With the sides digging in their heels, one must wonder the outrageous mark-up in the funeral industry. Luckily, those often footing the bill will never know.
EAST RUTHERFORD – Sigh. Even more money is getting thrown at the mega, mega mall in the Meadowlands. It’s now the East Rutherford council, voting last night to issue up to $675 million in bonds to help kickstart this whopping $2.5 billion project. While this place promises to be a mecca for shopping and entertainment, it now just seems to suck up money from anyone who comes near it. Luckily, it looks like taxpayers won’t be on the hook if this $675 million vaporizes, as investors can’t seek repayment if the project goes belly up. Of course, more money is needed, with $390 million in tax breaks now being sought from the state. Meanwhile, the big grand opening has been delayed, again, to 2017, leaving us to buy our stuff virtually everywhere else, as well as online.
ATLANTIC CITY – The Miss America pageant found an unusual angle to lure news media today. They've got Acting Gov. Kim Guadagno attending the ribbon-cutting event for the grand opening of the pageant's new headquarters at The Claridge Hotel. Sure, Guadagno may hold her own in the evening gown competition, but is her appearance really news? Relevant? Hype? You decide.
HOBOKEN – If our acting governor is looking for a place to visit, she should head to Hoboken tonight for an unusual event to honor the 100th anniversary of Frank Sinatra’s birth. A theater group will perform “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” – updated to the 1950s, set on the Hudson River waterfront, and using Joisey accents. It’s all part of the free "Summer Enchanted Evenings" series. Shakespeare would be aghast and a young, wise-cracking Sinatra would probably wonder: “Who's Shakespeare?”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL—Donald Trump is really hitting his stride on his Indiscretion Tour 2015, performing such hits as “John McCain Ain’t a War Hero to Me,” and “Fuggedaboutit, America! (Here’s Lindsay Graham Fu#kin’ Phone Number).” Now you can be as tawdry as the Combover-in-Chief with the Donald Trump Insult Generator, a new app created by a few tech-savvy geeks at Time who apparently had some free time away from doing something that actually mattered. Now, with this innovative app, even you can channel your inner Donald — and could perhaps score a win in Iowa to boot. Check the app out here.
BILLERICA, MA – So much for “cleaning up the town” for one local politician, who took it upon himself to paint over some faded crosswalks following ongoing complaints from his constituents. The selectman was criminally charged yesterday for his efforts, in which he bought cans of green paint (the town’s color) and spent the weekend working on six faded crosswalks. Cops say that is a destruction of public property, while town leaders say the selectman must pay $4,000 to remove the green paint, already chipping over the faded white. Good to see local government in action.
EVERYWHERE – Late sleeping McDonald’s patrons who have found it impossible to get to the restaurant by 10:30 a.m. for breakfast have had their prayers answered. Beginning in October, McDonald’s will be offering its most popular meal throughout the day. So, go ahead. Sleep past noon. That Egg McMuffin will be waiting for you.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2010 that another mysterious henge was found at the Stonehenge World Heritage Site in England – the biggest discovery in 50 years. Amazing they still keep finding these massive rocks, known as “sarsens,” each weighing tons and seeming a bit difficult to hide.
WORD OF THE DAY
Cattywampus – adjective
Definition: Something that is not directly across from something else, like being catty-cornered.
Example: “The most popular Republican in America is a bully of a man with an outrageous toupee laid cattywampus across his head.”