The Morning Briefing - April 1, 2015
ATLANTIC CITY - The city's fire chief, readily admitting he was "having a bad day," dropped his pants in front of a female security guard as he was passing through the metal detector at fire HQ in February. She had simply asked if he was carrying any metal objects, 6ABC reports, prompting him to unfasten his belt and give her a little surprise. The security guard has retained a lawyer, of course, to pursue a possible case of sexual harassment. The chief, on leave since March 5, has decided its time to hang up the hose and resign.
KENILWORTH - Gov. Chris Christie got some more fodder for his tough-talking YouTube videos yesterday, arguing for 15 minutes with a teacher during his 133rd town hall forum. She claimed the state could have reaped much more in the infamous $225 million settlement with ExxonMobil for years of contamination. "Do you know that?"Christie asked. "I want to know how you know that." The woman said she was not there to be bullied. "You're not being bullied because you're asking me questions; I get to ask some questions back," Christie responded. "If you're going to make an assertion of fact as a teacher, who people in the community respect as a truth teller, then I'd like to get to know where you get your information."
Meanwhile, according to Mark Bonamo of PolitickerNJ, outside one woman from Plainfield GOP who showed up an hour early was told there was no room for her inside. "Why did people from the governor's office ask us to come, when we couldn't get in? If you're going to have a party for 400 people, why invite 700 people?"
PATERSON - A developer who owns 200 properties in some of the roughest neighborhoods wants to buy any excess land the city has. In fact, he's happy to negotiate for every piece of land that Paterson owns, and is prepared to submit an offer once he gets the list of properties and vacant parcels available, the Paterson Press reports. Charles Florio says he's even willing to hire city residents for construction jobs, as he builds up an empire from land no one else seemed to want.
HOLMDEL - It appears to be the first April Fool's joke of the season, yet no one, especially parents of Village Elementary School students found it funny. A dozen law enforcement agencies descended on the school in Holmdel at 11 a.m. yesterday when someone called the cops to say there was an armed intruder in the building, the Asbury Park Press reports. Students were quickly shuffled out, as authorities swept every square inch of the building for the suspect. Terrified parents waited for several hours in a nearby park to take their kiddies home. Meanwhile, Holmdel school officials had all district buildings on lockdown - a wasted day for 3,100 kids.
ATLANTIC CITY - Interested to hear the new strategy today for The Pier Shops at Caesars - that long mall that stretches out into the ocean. It is a great concept, with good restaurants and a cool water attraction at the end for the kiddies. It's just that no one goes there, and the place is a bit eerie. Local, state and federal officials will be at the mall at high noon with a developer, who will discuss the new overhaul of the 500,000-square-foot mall. Great to see the investment and the interest, but shoppers demand easy, quick access and parking. Can a mall, sitting on a pier accessed via boardwalk or casino, provide that?
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ODESSA, Texas - You'd have to wonder how delicious the curly fries must have been for a West Texas man to impersonate a cop, using sirens and flashing lights to slip to the head of the drive-thru on Saturday. An off-duty cop, likely sitting in the long line and silently praying they still sell Shamrock Shakes, noted the truck had all the trappings of a law-enforcement vehicle. The cop was curious, and followed the fake cop to an apartment building, where he was confronted and charged with impersonation. No clue if curly fries were apprehended.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1985 that Sports Illustrated published one of the most legendary put-ons in the history of sports journalism: the tale of rookie pitcher Hayden "Sidd" Finch. Finch, a gangly phenom who pitched wearing a single hiking boot on his right foot, could hurl a ball at an unheard-of 168 mph - a skill he somehow learned in a Tibetan monastery - and he was set to sign with the New York Mets.
The subhead of George Plimpton's piece read: "He's a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse. Impressively liberated from our opulent lifestyle, Sidd's deciding about yoga - and his future in baseball." The first letter of each word spelled out "Happy April Fools' Day." But because the Mets has such a history of awfulness, many fans thought such a score was too good to be true.
WORD OF THE DAY
Finch - noun
Definition - A small lie according to the seventh meaning in Plimpton's Oxford English Dictionary.
Example - "The Mets signed a Tibetan monk who can throw 168 miles per hour. Finch!"