The Jaffe Briefing - November 11, 2022

STATEWIDE – Winter is coming. And, so, too, may be a recession. That is why some lawmakers are calling for the state auditor to post some of New Jersey’s most important financial information in simple language that even math-challenged reporters can understand. NJ Spotlight says the bill would require the state to post how much debt it is currently carrying, as well as details about how well (or not) we are prepared to weather a recession. Lawmakers are particularly interested in showcasing key financial information that is often glossed over in the annual audits and summarized for the masses. Besides simple language, perhaps there could also be some nice pictures and charts, with lots of arrows, bold text, italics and underlining to gin up our interest. And maybe it can be presented by “The New 60,” the curmudgeons who always appear at the end of this newsletter. They are more than available.

NEWARK – The Lord of the Lob? The Viceroy of the Volley? The Duke of the Dink? What will the King of Beers call itself now that Anheuser-Busch has become the newest team owner in Major League Pickleball? No word yet on a rebranding initiative, but CNBC reports that having a Fortune 500 company aboard will allow the league to expand from 12 to 16 teams, and double its signature tourneys to six. Pickleball, a combination of tennis, badminton, ping pong and some other things, is apparently played by 5 million people across the country. We’re pretty sure the surge in popularity stems from the fact that, like Sunday slow-pitch softball leagues, you can play pickleball while grabbing a Bud.  Can’t wait to see pickleball’s first Bud Bowl.

NEW BRUNSWICK – Prospective employers may want to double-check those impressive Rutgers transcripts for such classes as “Art Appreciation,” “Introduction to Music” and something called “Earth Systems.” They are three of the classes ranked among the 10 easiest for those enrolled at RU. A website known as “Humans of University” undertook the mind-numbing task of combing through the hundreds of Rutgers’ course offerings to find such GPA-padding gems as “Introduction to Sociology,” “World Cultural Religions” and “Social Media for the Arts.” Career coaches warn that too many of these easy-A classes on applicants’ transcripts could be a red flag – or at least prompt would-be employers to wonder if anything was learned in a class called “Learning Processes”?

BRIEFING BREATHER

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

NEWARK – On the positive side, someone is earning plenty of airline miles. But it seems that city taxpayers – and the State of New Jersey that provides more than $1 billion in annual aid to the Newark Public Schools – are the real losers. NJ.com is slamming the school district for allowing staffers to visit Las Vegas, New Orleans, Orlando, Palm Springs, Puerto Rico, Honolulu, etc. in recent months for “conferences.” And now, with the district planning to send at least 10 people to both San Diego and Miami, including some school board members, one must wonder if the district exists to educate students or to provide adults with free luxury travel. City school officials defend all the jet-setting on the taxpayer dime by noting they don’t select the conference venues. Fair enough. So explain how enjoying the punch at a Hawaiian luau moves the needle at Shabazz High School?

FAIR LAWN – When Nabisco shut its doors last year, many residents were concerned with the enormous loss of property tax revenue. Now they are upset that Nabisco did not leave them with the red letters affixed to the building. Despite the factory shuttering, with 600 jobs and taxes on a $29.3 million assessment vanishing, the town was offered a little crumb: the company sign that towered over Route 208 for more than six decades, the Record reports. Blame the workers, who tried to remove the letters, but the mayor said “they kind of just all fell apart.” (Like a Triscuit) The borough still hopes to salvage historical artifacts from inside the building. Maybe a smaller company sign, a secret stash of Ritz or maybe some discarded Oreos. Got milk?

IN THE MEDIA

STATEWIDE – When you read all that free, local news on Google and Facebook, there is rarely a thought about where it came from and how the writer was compensated for all that good work. The fact is that Big Tech platforms grab all the stuff for free, sell advertising on their sites and then make a profit for shareholders. The plan seems to work great for everyone, except the little guy who actually created the product, but is getting zilch for all these global entities using his/her articles. There is now an important bill in the lame-duck Congress that would force the likes of Mark Zuckerberg to stop stealing from local news outlets. It is time to fix this broken marketplace, with the hopes that federal lawmakers throw a lifeline to local news, passing what has been called the Journalism Competition and Preservation Act. Without it, social media – with all its biases, outrageous lies and blinding stupidity – will ultimately become America’s de facto newspaper.  A shivering thought.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

AJO, Az. – A semi-polite message from the National Park Service: Stop licking the toads. Officials posted on Facebook: “As we say with most things you come across in a national park, whether it be a banana slug, unfamiliar mushroom, or a large toad with glowing eyes in the dead of night, please refrain from licking.” This particular toad, known as the Colorado River toad, secretes a potent toxin that can make people sick if they touch it or get the poison in their mouth. Yet, for some, it is worth the risk, as these secretions contain a powerful hallucinogenic to bring the party to a whole new level. Some even smoke the secretions, and grab the animal to take it home for future enjoyment. No good, says the Park Ranger, suggesting people just drive to New Jersey and purchase cannabis.

THIS WEEK IN HISTORY

It was the 11th hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918 signaling the end of World War I, and ultimately Veterans Day.

WORD OF THE WEEK

Gauche – [GOHSH] – adjective

Definition: Having or showing a lack of awareness about the proper way to behave

Example: I used to be terribly gauche while watching the Jets lose.  Not anymore.

WIT OF THE WEEK

“If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.”

-Winston Churchill

BIDEN BLURB

“What happens in the next four to five to six years is going to determine what this country looks like for the next 30 to 35 years.  And I don’t think that’s hyperbole.  I think that’s literally true.”

-Joe Biden

WEEKEND WEATHER IN A WORD

Wet

STATEWIDE – Winter is coming. And, so, too, may be a recession. That is why some lawmakers are calling for the state auditor to post some of New Jersey’s most important financial information in simple language that even math-challenged reporters can understand. NJ Spotlight says the bill would require the state to post how much debt it is currently carrying, as well as details about how well (or not) we are prepared to weather a recession. Lawmakers are particularly interested in showcasing key financial information that is often glossed over in the annual audits and summarized for the masses. Besides simple language, perhaps there could also be some nice pictures and charts, with lots of arrows, bold text, italics and underlining to gin up our interest. And maybe it can be presented by “The New 60,” the curmudgeons who always appear at the end of this newsletter. They are more than available.

NEWARK – The Lord of the Lob? The Viceroy of the Volley? The Duke of the Dink? What will the King of Beers call itself now that Anheuser-Busch has become the newest team owner in Major League Pickleball? No word yet on a rebranding initiative, but CNBC reports that having a Fortune 500 company aboard will allow the league to expand from 12 to 16 teams, and double its signature tourneys to six. Pickleball, a combination of tennis, badminton, ping pong and some other things, is apparently played by 5 million people across the country. We’re pretty sure the surge in popularity stems from the fact that, like Sunday slow-pitch softball leagues, you can play pickleball while grabbing a Bud.  Can’t wait to see pickleball’s first Bud Bowl.

NEW BRUNSWICK – Prospective employers may want to double-check those impressive Rutgers transcripts for such classes as “Art Appreciation,” “Introduction to Music” and something called “Earth Systems.” They are three of the classes ranked among the 10 easiest for those enrolled at RU. A website known as “Humans of University” undertook the mind-numbing task of combing through the hundreds of Rutgers’ course offerings to find such GPA-padding gems as “Introduction to Sociology,” “World Cultural Religions” and “Social Media for the Arts.” Career coaches warn that too many of these easy-A classes on applicants’ transcripts could be a red flag – or at least prompt would-be employers to wonder if anything was learned in a class called “Learning Processes”?

BRIEFING BREATHER

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

NEWARK – On the positive side, someone is earning plenty of airline miles. But it seems that city taxpayers – and the State of New Jersey that provides more than $1 billion in annual aid to the Newark Public Schools – are the real losers. NJ.com is slamming the school district for allowing staffers to visit Las Vegas, New Orleans, Orlando, Palm Springs, Puerto Rico, Honolulu, etc. in recent months for “conferences.” And now, with the district planning to send at least 10 people to both San Diego and Miami, including some school board members, one must wonder if the district exists to educate students or to provide adults with free luxury travel. City school officials defend all the jet-setting on the taxpayer dime by noting they don’t select the conference venues. Fair enough. So explain how enjoying the punch at a Hawaiian luau moves the needle at Shabazz High School?

FAIR LAWN – When Nabisco shut its doors last year, many residents were concerned with the enormous loss of property tax revenue. Now they are upset that Nabisco did not leave them with the red letters affixed to the building. Despite the factory shuttering, with 600 jobs and taxes on a $29.3 million assessment vanishing, the town was offered a little crumb: the company sign that towered over Route 208 for more than six decades, the Record reports. Blame the workers, who tried to remove the letters, but the mayor said “they kind of just all fell apart.” (Like a Triscuit) The borough still hopes to salvage historical artifacts from inside the building. Maybe a smaller company sign, a secret stash of Ritz or maybe some discarded Oreos. Got milk?

IN THE MEDIA

STATEWIDE – When you read all that free, local news on Google and Facebook, there is rarely a thought about where it came from and how the writer was compensated for all that good work. The fact is that Big Tech platforms grab all the stuff for free, sell advertising on their sites and then make a profit for shareholders. The plan seems to work great for everyone, except the little guy who actually created the product, but is getting zilch for all these global entities using his/her articles. There is now an important bill in the lame-duck Congress that would force the likes of Mark Zuckerberg to stop stealing from local news outlets. It is time to fix this broken marketplace, with the hopes that federal lawmakers throw a lifeline to local news, passing what has been called the Journalism Competition and Preservation Act. Without it, social media – with all its biases, outrageous lies and blinding stupidity – will ultimately become America’s de facto newspaper.  A shivering thought.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

AJO, Az. – A semi-polite message from the National Park Service: Stop licking the toads. Officials posted on Facebook: “As we say with most things you come across in a national park, whether it be a banana slug, unfamiliar mushroom, or a large toad with glowing eyes in the dead of night, please refrain from licking.” This particular toad, known as the Colorado River toad, secretes a potent toxin that can make people sick if they touch it or get the poison in their mouth. Yet, for some, it is worth the risk, as these secretions contain a powerful hallucinogenic to bring the party to a whole new level. Some even smoke the secretions, and grab the animal to take it home for future enjoyment. No good, says the Park Ranger, suggesting people just drive to New Jersey and purchase cannabis.

THIS WEEK IN HISTORY

It was the 11th hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918 signaling the end of World War I, and ultimately Veterans Day.

WORD OF THE WEEK

Gauche – [GOHSH] – adjective

Definition: Having or showing a lack of awareness about the proper way to behave

Example: I used to be terribly gauche while watching the Jets lose.  Not anymore.

WIT OF THE WEEK

“If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.”

-Winston Churchill

BIDEN BLURB

“What happens in the next four to five to six years is going to determine what this country looks like for the next 30 to 35 years.  And I don’t think that’s hyperbole.  I think that’s literally true.”

-Joe Biden

WEEKEND WEATHER IN A WORD

Wet