The Jaffe Briefing - June 22, 2022

ON THE ROAD – Politico states the obvious: the Holland Tunnel offers two lanes heading in and out of New Jersey. And, unless there is some super project to somehow expand vehicular capacity under the Hudson, the Holland Tunnel will remain the same, always. And that’s why some locals are scratching their heads at the New Jersey Turnpike Authority’s plan to spend $4.7 billion to expand eight miles of highway leading to the tunnel, while replacing the Newark Bay Bridge, to better handle the gobs of traffic leading to the tunnel. Politico reports this plan makes as much sense as a three-legged pair of pants. Build (and spend) all you want in Jersey, but the Holland Tunnel is the Holland Tunnel. And we’ll all still need to squeeze through, somehow.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Gov. Phil Murphy can’t run for a third consecutive term as governor, yet there’s this $2 million ad blitz coming to spit-shine his image.  Hmm, what gives? A “non-profit advocacy group,” known as Stronger Fairer Forward, is planning to run ads through the end of July, hitting TV, digital media and billboards.  Hmm, again, what gives? NJ.comsuggests that Murphy may be raising his profile in case President Biden doesn’t run for re-election (a smart idea, BTW.)   Murphy sure sounds like a Presidential candidate, as you need to present a story arc that shows humble beginnings (check), a passion for the American Dream (check), working tirelessly (check) and then becoming successful in America (check). So, Murphy’s “story” is there. And now this “non-profit,” funded by dark money undisclosed donors, is ready to tell it everywhere.

ON THE WATERFRONT – Until now, some media has avoided writing about the brouhaha between New Jersey and New York over our state’s efforts to walk away from the Waterfront Commission of New York Harbor after nearly 70 years. The story just didn’t seem to impact the typical reader on a typical day. But now things are getting interesting, as the U.S. Supreme Court will be deciding if New Jersey can legally break the 1953 bistate agreement. The commission has always seemed all-powerful, designed to somehow keep organized crime and corruption away from our ports and piers. (insert sarcastic guffaw here.) Murphy believes the commission has long outlived its usefulness, suggesting the State Police should have oversight. Meanwhile, New Jersey’s lawyers will be spending the summer explaining that thinking. The Supreme Court expects a titillating response by Aug. 22.

BRIEFING BREATHER

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.

TRENTON – In this era of billions in state surplus, it seems there’s a goodie awaiting virtually anyone. And if proposed legislation in the state Senate gets approved, small businesses in New Jersey would also be placed in the column of happy customers. Businesses are looking at $250 million more in taxes this fiscal year and an additional $600 million or more over the next two years because the unemployment fund needs to be replenished, post-pandemic. Under the bill, business owners would get tax credits to pay for expected increases in unemployment insurance contributions. Unclear why unspent federal pandemic aid can’t be used to fill the unemployment kitty, but with the state budget needing to be adopted by June 30, business owners will take whatever they can get, in whatever form it may be.

STATEWIDE – Never underestimate the ingenuity of the New Jersey motorist. And that creates a classic battle between drivers and the humorless Motor Vehicle Services, which decides if proposed vanity plates will be permitted on the road. The Record reports the state department rejected about 1,300 license plate requests last year, with such clever suggestions as “SUCKIT,” “N0T2DAY,” “LOUDAF,” “TURD” and, oddly, “COVID19.” The Record notes it is just offering the PG version, as it publishes a family newspaper. Because we don’t, here were some others: “A55ORGY,” “1SQUIRTED,” “RU 18 YET,” “HARDIK,” and “NOFKSGIVN.”

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. — Minnie Mouse in yoga pants? Ok, we are oddly intrigued. Minnie joined 1,700 other Disney employees early yesterday to celebrate International Yoga Day. They all planked, did the downward dog and folded into lotus poses at Disney World during a sunrise event. Unclear how someone is supposed to enjoy a morning turkey leg from the cart in Frontierland when they are required to twist and contort with fellow co-workers in front of the media, but Disney police were on hand to ensure 100% compliance during this mandatory relaxation event.  Disney smiles required every 12 seconds.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Rich people donating to rich people? That was the plan on this day in 2006 when Warren Buffet handed $30 million to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

WORD OF THE DAY

Progeny – [PRAH-juh-nee] – noun

Definition: Descendants, children

Example: Will my progeny ever load the dishwasher?

WIT OF THE DAY

“A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.”

-Winston Churchill

BIDEN BLURB

“As a matter of fact, I didn't make a political speech outside of my state for 20 years.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Raindrops