The Jaffe Briefing - May 4, 2022
LAMBERTVILLE – It was an easy media stop for the governor, but nowhere near an easy solution. Gov. Phil Murphy was in town yesterday to announce $60 million in federal funds for flood protection in the state, including $50 million to buy out homeowners who live in chronically-flooded homes as part of the “Blue Acres” program. Yes, this is another story of the feds throwing money at a problem, without a real solution. We all know the answer here: Until climate change is addressed on a global scale, there will just be a patchwork of press conferences and ceremonial checks, as New Jersey steadily sinks.
STATEWIDE – If you haven’t heard by now – and that may be impossible at this point – New Jersey’s bag ban law goes into effect today. So, when you run to the supermarket after work and expect all your groceries to be packed in a single-use plastic bags, as always, you will be in for a big surprise. Yes, we all expect some shoppers to be grumbling as they attempt to juggle all their items to the car. But, just like we all learned to bring along cell phones whenever we leave the house, we will also train ourselves to bring reusable bags. It is simple, and an important step in New Jersey to fight our planet’s addiction to flimsy plastic products.
STATEWIDE – As cops across the state are once again allowed to chase car thieves, under a revised directive from the Attorney General, is that really enough to curb the alarmingly high number of thefts? Two GOP lawmakers from Monmouth County want much stiffer penalties, New Jersey Monitor reports, with convicted thieves getting slapped with minimum sentences for recruiting kids to steal cars, or breaking into a car and then using the garage door opener to burglarize the house, or placing tracking devices on cars to help ease the heist. The hope is that stiffer laws may send a message to organized crime rings, who apparently read the AG’s directives with great interest.
BRIEFING BREATHER
Footprints made on the moon will be there for 100 million years.
WEST MILFORD – So how did you celebrate Earth Day? Perhaps you picked up litter or planted a tree. Good for you. But in West Milford, the township DPW used the enviro-holiday to chop down trees and block trails that ATV riders have been using for generations, NJ.com reports. A favorite spot for riders has been a municipal-owned forest off Macopin Road, behind the residents of Camelot Estates who have shared the trails for generations. Those rides ended on Earth Day, when the work crew came in with chainsaws and took down dozens of trees to create a blockade. Silver lining for local environmentalists: maybe the ATV riders will now be forced to use bicycles.
TOMS RIVER – Ready to make some real money? With the chronic shortage of bus drivers, the local school district has dangled an even bigger carrot: $29 an hour to drive a bus. Not only is the salary more generous, but the district is also offering the flexibility of 6.5-hour and 8-hour schedules, as well as benefits and perks. The Asbury Park Press says Toms River is just trying to keep up, as Jackson now offers $30 an hour to drive the local cherubs to school, while Wall is struggling with ongoing transportation delays. Who knew an exciting career in school bus transportation could be so lucrative?
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
JERUSALEM – Sure, you could pick up a trinket in the gift shop. But the real souvenir? An unexploded artillery shell. It sounded perfect for one American family who showed up at Ben Gurion International Airport last Thursday, setting off a bomb scare and wild panic throughout the entire terminal. There were passengers ducking for cover, running for their lives and screaming in the departure hall. One person was injured after trying to flee on the conveyer belt, as security officers descended on the family. The shell was safely removed, while the family was ushered into the duty-free shop, where all souvenirs are guaranteed not to explode.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2010 that United and Continental airlines announced a merger, committed to creating the world’s largest airline with the smallest pretzels.
WORD OF THE DAY
Plash – [plash] – noun
Definition: A sound produced by liquid striking something or being struck.
Example: I smiled as I watched the hummingbird plash in the garden fountain.
WIT OF THE DAY
“Being chosen is the greatest gift you can give to another human being.”
-Trevor Noah
BIDEN BLURB
“I've never had to open before Trevor Noah. Trevor is great. When I was elected, he did a show and he called me 'America's new dad.' Let me tell you something, pal: I'm flattered anybody would call me a 'new' anything. You're my guy.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Scattered