The Jaffe Briefing - April 4, 2022

STATEWIDE – Skeptical parents, wondering why they are spending tens of thousands of dollars a year for their college kids to study video games, Bruce Springsteen and “leisure studies,” now have an even stronger gripe. Centenary University has taken things a bit further, now offering a master’s program in “Happiness Studies,” the first of its kind on the planet.  NJ.com reports that within 12 days of the program’s announcement, there were  already 86 applicants for the 18-month program, costing bewildered parents yet another $17,700. The curriculum sounds like an extended stay at a spa, featuring meditation, goal-setting, yoga, journaling, breathing, physical exercise and, let’s assume, fun cocktails involving cucumber-infused sparkling water. You just need an undergraduate degree to be accepted. Any other admission requirement, like a test, essay or interview, is known to decrease “happiness.”

STATEWIDE – The unions are coming! The unions are coming! That’s the battle cry at all the Amazon distribution centers in New Jersey, following word that the Staten Island fulfillment center has finally fallen to union organizers. For years, Amazon has been waging a cold war with the pesky unions, desperately trying to keep them out of the mega-warehouse. But Amazon finally fell last week, as 8,000 workers signed their union cards and workers at a second Staten Island facility will be voting April 25.  This is considered the most significant labor victory in a generation, as a growing union will now attempt to infiltrate each and every mega-warehouse in New Jersey and beyond. As the second largest employer in America, Amazon has tens of thousands of workers in this state. Some good, old-fashioned union organizing will be a huge challenge for the tech industry, divided between all those Ivy-educated, latte-sipping brainiacs who create the systems and all the blue-collar, lunch pail-toting workers who make it all happen.

BRIEFING BREATHER

If you say something is indescribable then you have, in fact, described it.

STATEWIDE – You probably forgot about all the grave environmental concerns regarding the spotted lantern fly.  After all, they went away last fall, right? Well, no. They were busy with their mating cycles and are planning a glorious return to a tree near you this month. This invasive species from Southeast Asia, which feasts on our trees, are gearing up for an accelerated spread. That is why the Rutgers Cooperative Extension is handing out plastic “scraper cards.” These cards, which are basically the same thing as credit cards, can be used to scrape lanternfly egg masses off of trees before they hatch in May. Have at it. And the state has the same clarion call as last year: “If you see it, squash it!”

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

RICHMOND, Calif. – Rare that a Park Ranger now working at the Rosie the Riveter Historical Park could have actually met Rosie the Riveter. But there’s Betty Reid Soskin, 100 years old, and she’s finally retiring from the National Park Service. She led tours at the park and museum, while also sharing her own recollections of living during World War II, working for the U.S. Air Force. But she quit the service when she learned her superiors had given her the job because they assumed she was white. From there, she started one of the first Black-owned record stores in the San Francisco Bay area, was a civil rights leader in the 1960s, became a Park Ranger, received a presidential coin from Barack Obama, lit the National Christmas tree at the White House and now is poised for well-earned retirement.

MADGEBURG, Germany – Let’s assume one local man is very, very protected from COVID, after local authorities accused him of getting vaccinated up to 90 times with various brands of vaccine. And, c’mon, why? To sell forged vaccination cards with real vaccine batch numbers to those who refused to get vaccinated.  Authorities became suspicious when he was spotted for a second day in a row at a vaccination center, AP reports. Cops were called, finding him carrying several blank cards. It remained unclear how all these shots would affect this guy’s health as, researchers note, no one else ever attempted something so remarkably stupid.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Another reason for your insomnia: It was this day in 2013 that researchers in Sri Lanka discovered a new tarantula – about the size of a dinner plate.

WORD OF THE DAY

Exculpate – [EK-skull-payt] – verb

Definition: To clear from alleged fault or guilt

Example: Can Putin’s die-hard backers really exculpate him for his atrocities in Ukraine?

WIT OF THE DAY

"I believe the people of the United States want that but if this process gets longer, continues to be delayed, if we can see that the process of transferring those weapons is getting slower, then people begin to ask the question, 'Is it really true?' Maybe there is some game behind it. I don't want to believe that some partners of ours are playing games."

-Volodymyr Zelenskyy 

BIDEN BLURB

"My message to the people of Ukraine is the message I delivered today to the Ukrainian Foreign Minister and Defense Minister: We stand with you.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Dry