The Jaffe Briefing - March 31, 2022
STATEWIDE – Are you an ass? Are you one of those parents screaming from the sideline of your kid’s soccer game, acting as if you bet your house on the outcome of this friendly little game among eight-year-old girls? If so, the state may adopt legislation that protects the kids, coaches and referees from your horrific behavior. Assemblywoman Vicky Flynn, a backbencher, is responding to a NJ.com report that highlighted bad behavior through all levels of sports. There was the guy who shoved a coach during a high school game in Jersey City, a Little League game in Hunterdon County cancelled after parents traded profanities with the umpire and a minor league baseball game in Little Falls, where fans threw beer at players, prompting them to flood the bleachers and create a melee. Yeah, we are all behaving badly. But maybe, in fact, the ref doesn’t beat his wife.
STATEWIDE – If you live in New Jersey and don’t speak English, two things are happening: You don’t read this terrific newsletter and you aren’t getting important information from the state. Some lawmakers have a suggestion to solve at least one of those glaring concerns: Having important state documents and forms translated into 15 popular languages spoken here. New Jersey Monitor reports the proposed bill is designed to greatly increase civic engagement with minority communities that likely have no idea what’s going on. The proposal isn’t groundbreaking; both New York and Hawaii require state documents to be translated into the 10 most frequently spoken languages there. New Jersey is one of the most diverse places on the planet, with more than 150 languages spoken here. So, yes, let’s build some bridges.
BRIEFING BREATHER
At this very moment, you are both the youngest and oldest you have ever been.
STATEWIDE – Here’s a new term in Jersey politics: “zombie accounts.” Politico reports that some former politicians still have campaign accounts with sizable amounts, despite that they are no longer running for public office. The news site points to former Assembly Speaker Joe Roberts, who retired 12 years ago, yet still has hundreds of thousands of dollars left in the bank. Since he retired in 2009, “Friends of Assembly Speaker Joe Roberts” has donated more than $1.1 million to state Democratic politicians and PACs, mostly from South Jersey, while earning hundreds of thousands of dollars from interest and dividends. Politico reports “zombie accounts” are all completely legal at every level of politics; it seems you can have your campaign account way into the afterlife. Politico notes, for example, that the late Sen. Frank Lautenberg, who passed in 2013, maintains a vibrant campaign account because, hey, you never know.
LONG BRANCH – Another sign of spring: the beach clean-up report. And it remains amazing as to what volunteers found in the record amount of trash hauled off Jersey Shore since last year. Here we go: male “enhancement” pills, a set of braces, a Turkish Airlines hygiene kit, a glow-in-the dark condom. Clean Ocean Action has released an annual report, showing 10,000 volunteers picked up more than a half a million items of discarded junk along 127 miles of coastline. Here’s some more odd stuff: a fake eyeball, a bullet casing, a hunk of human hair, a full set of dentures, a thong, a used Narcan kit and many, many empty marijuana bags. Let’s keep this going: a losing lottery ticket, a TV remote control, a plastic monkey, rosary beads, a mini-fridge, a toilet brush and a Mason jar filled with hooch. The prevailing message: Visit Jersey beaches; feel free to only leave footprints.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
WICHITA, Kan. – The mystery of the missing flamingo has been solved. You may recall, 17 years ago, that an African flamingo escaped a Kansas zoo. Once it flew out on a stormy night in June 2005 – after employees did not take the time to clip its wings – all assumed it would never be seen again. But it has been discovered – although not captured – in Port Lavaca, TX. A birdwatcher shot a video of the flamingo, capturing No. 492 on its leg band. That matched the missing number from the Sedgwick County Zoo in Wichita, providing some hope this bird may finally be returned, if caught. That seems doubtful; it has also appeared in Wisconsin and Louisiana over the years and doesn’t seem to have any interest of returning to Wichita. Can’t blame him.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2013 that IBM gave up on the Roadrunner computer. Once the fastest machine of its kind, continual advances in chip design forced its retirement. In the end, this “supercomputer" could only do so much.
WORD OF THE DAY
Malleable – [MAL-ee-uh-bul] – adjective
Definition: Capable of being shaped, altered, or controlled by outside forces or influences.
Example: My mind isn’t always malleable to new technologies; I sure miss the IBM Roadrunner.
WIT OF THE DAY
“Often times, the greatest peace comes of surrender.”
– Richard Paul Evans
BIDEN BLURB
“Americans are back to living their lives again. We can’t surrender all of that now.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Humid