The Jaffe Briefing - March 17, 2022
TRENTON – Why wait until you get elected to public office before you are nailed for bribery? For those eager to accept the first cash-filled envelope as early as possible, as a candidate for office, opportunities abound. But now there is a pesky bill in the state Legislature, extending the state’s bribery laws to candidates for political office. New Jersey Monitor reports the bill is to be heard before an Assembly committee today, after being bounced around for 10 years or so. The renewed interest was prompted by alleged bribes involving two former assemblymen whose cases were dismissed after judges ruled the state’s bribery statute doesn’t apply to political candidates yet to win elected office. “I just think that’s wrong,” said Assemblyman Greg McGuckin (R-Ocean), the bill’s prime sponsor. “You can bribe them before they’re sworn in, and that makes it legal?” Both bribery cases involved Hudson County politicos, of course.
TRENTON – Gov. Phil Murphy walked the red carpet to accept an award Tuesday from the Motion Picture Association. No, we don’t recall him performing in “The Power of the Dog” on Netflix. But he was still there to accept the “Industry Champion Award” for his support of the film and TV industry, likely given out during commercial breaks when everyone hits the bathroom or runs outside for a quick smoke. Why the big accolade? Because Murphy’s administration has forked over hundreds of millions of dollars in tax credits for the industry since he took office. “Thomas Edison invented motion pictures in New Jersey. New Jersey was Hollywood even before there was a Hollywood,” Murphy said, accepting the award in DC. “Today, New Jersey is back in the spotlight.”
HAMILTON TOWNSHIP – Yeah, it is tough to find staff for schools, and we’re not even talking about the substitute teacher in Nutley caught twice masturbating in class. No, this story takes us to Atlantic County, where a former teacher is busted on charges of threatening to kill another middle school teacher, NJ.com reports. Let’s just assume, or pray, this guy does not teach English, as he posted pictures of the other teacher on social media and wrote: “Ladies and gentlemen, public enemy No. 1 (insert teacher’s name) you gon die,” as the song “Death” by rapper Trippie Redd plays in the background. And here’s another crazy post from this alleged educator: “Oh, oh shut down the school, Mr. Syed making true public promises, bombs away I am (expletive). Oppenheimer. He gon die and Allah will let him burn in hell…” What?
BRIEFING BREATHER
When you brush your teeth it is the only time you clean your skeleton.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – This is a great lede from New Jersey Globe; we won’t dare try to improve it. So enjoy: “The year is 2024. Ron DeSantis orders a ‘breakfast sandwich with pork roll’ in Mahwah, and his poll numbers in North Jersey immediately drop by 10 points. The driver of Nikki Haley’s campaign bus gets in a screaming match with a Cherry Hill gas station attendant for trying to pump their own gas. Pete Buttigieg tells a joke that makes Brian Stack laugh, and finds himself winning Union City by a seemingly impossible 104-point margin. For now, these scenarios are a fantasy. But they may not be for long; with the national Democratic Party rethinking its Iowa-first approach to its presidential nominating process, New Jersey is likely to make a concerted effort to push its presidential primary forward from its current late position in June and increase its stature on the national stage…”
IN THE MEDIA
VINELAND – In another sign of the times in Gannett-world, The Daily Journal will no longer be “daily.” In the latest cost-cutting move, there will no longer be a Monday print edition of the newspaper beginning April 25. No shock there, as that issue is as thin as a directory of Thai restaurants in northern Montana. Of course, Gannett is positioning this cut in service as just a routine part of life, as it remains a groundbreaking, big-city news organization flush with seasoned, well-paid staff to serve Vineland. So, according to the newspaper, er, digital news site: subscribers will still get a “full digital replica of the newspaper that day, filled with local news, advertising and features such as comics and puzzles. Our commitment to local news remains steadfast, but the platforms on which people are consuming news continue to evolve…” Blah, blah, blah…
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
COCHIN, KERALA – It has been a hair-raising adventure for one stroke patient, as Indian doctors were initially perplexed as to why he grew thick, black hair all over his tongue. So bizarre is this case is that it’s been the focus of a dermatology journal. Live Science reports it all started when his left side was paralyzed, hindering his chewing. So the patient needed to go on an all-liquid diet, with all the bacteria prompting him to develop a layer of thick hair on his tongue. No worries; doctors were able to trim his lingual locks. No need to show you the photos for this one.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2012 that Julian Assange – under house arrest in the United Kingdom – announced his campaign to somehow run for senate in Australia.
WORD OF THE DAY
Limerick – [LIM-uh-rik] – noun
Definition: A humorous rhyming poem of five lines.
Example: How’s this limerick to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
“There once was a man from Nantucket…
Who kept all his cash in a bucket…
His daughter, named Nan…
Ran away with a man…
And as for the bucket?
Nantucket.”
WIT OF THE DAY
“I am the wealthiest man, not just in Europe, but in the whole world. I collect emotions.”
-Vladimir Putin
BIDEN BLURB
“I think he is a war criminal.”
-Joe Biden, referring to Putin
WEATHER IN A WORD
Dreary