The Jaffe Briefing - February 18, 2022

STATEWIDE – It’s been a long week at work. You come home, pet the dog and then quickly glance through the mail. Hey. There’s something from the water utility that looks kind of official. Uh-oh. Let’s see. Greetings and salutations, sir. You have a lead pipeline, which has been serving your family for years. And that’s bad. Politico reports that nearly 200,000 New Jersey families should expect this letter, as part of a new law last year that requires water suppliers to determine how many pipelines in the state are still lined with toxic metals. The latest figures: 186,830 pipelines likely have lead in them, and another 1,084,258 are of an “unknown make.” Most of these lines directly serve customers into their homes and obviously need to be replaced. Welcome home.

TRENTON – New Jersey’s state legislators are part-time, most of them have careers elsewhere to balance the household budget. And now there’s talk that they can’t trade stocks? It is a silly idea, but stems from a Congressional debate over whether to enact a ban on its members for trading stocks. Gov. Phil Murphy was asked by New Jersey Globe if the same restriction should be placed on the New Jersey Legislature. His response? “Would I be open minded to something like that? The answer is probably yes,” Murphy said. “It seems to me like Congress is going in the right direction, it feels like that’s the right thing to do.” Interesting to see how many state legislators would immediately retire if they were told they could no longer invest their money. Also, Congress is a very different body, as its members deal with national issues that could move the markets. Nothing happening at the Statehouse concerns NASDAQ.

RARITAN – A letter to the editor published on TAPInto on Feb. 12 has made national news, and certainly caught the attention of Gov. Phil Murphy. It stems from a fourth-grader who refused to wear a mask in school on Jan. 25, prompting her to be isolated in a room next to the nurse’s office and then sent home for violating school policy. Fox News, as you can expect, is all over the story, after the girl penned a letter to the local media, which was then sent to Murphy. She wrote: "I don't want to wear the mask anymore. It hurts and I don't learn a lot now because my teacher keeps telling people to pull up their masks." School officials have since modified the policy, with masks optional beginning March 7, following the governor’s announcement. The girl sums up her point: “I hope that one day school will go back to being fun because I am only a kid once.” Agreed.

BRIEFING BREATHER

The microwave was invented when a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. 

BRIDGEWATER – An animal rescue group offers jilted lovers feeling especially vindictive after Valentine’s Day the chance to show what they really think of their former beaus. For a very reasonable donation, volunteers at Lost Paws will write your ex’s name on the bottom of a litter box. Then, the kitties let loose with what they do best. “Is your ex a piece of sh*t?” the rescue group asked rejected romancers, according to Patch. No word yet about how many people are taking advantage of this “poopertunity.”

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

PHOENIX – There’s a big difference between “I” and “We.” That’s the harsh lesson being learned here, as a generation of Catholics who thought they were baptized actually weren’t. CBS reports a Catholic priest has quit, after the church found he botched all of his baptisms over 20 years. As he poured holy water, the Rev. Andres Arango would say, "We baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." But he should have said “I baptize,” acting as Christ, because the community can’t baptize. The net result: Everyone needs to be baptized, correctly.

DETROIT – The hottest new thing is the celebration of an out-of-state football team.  Nearly a week after the Super Bowl, there’s still plenty of fervor for the “Detroit Rams,” as a sports apparel company is raking in the cash from Matthew Stafford loyalists in the Motor City. Since the Rams won the big game on Sunday night, a store in a metro Detroit mall is selling the Lions-colored clothing with the phrase “Detroit Rams” featured above a logo that resembles a lion, only it’s a ram. Why? Because Stafford played for the pitiful Lions for 12 years. Once a Lion, apparently, always a Lion.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1972 that ended an interesting week on The Mike Douglas Show, with John and Yoko as the week-long guest hosts.

WORD OF THE DAY

Snollygoster – [snälēˌɡästər] – noun

Definition: A shrewd, unprincipled person

Example: Give generously; don’t be such a snollygoster.

WIT OF THE DAY

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”  

-Winston Churchill

BIDEN BLURB

“We literally have the chance to shape the future - to put our own stamp on the face and character of America, to bend history just a little bit.”

- Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Spring?