The Jaffe Briefing - September 22, 2021

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – The Record doesn’t seem impressed with the platforms of the gubernatorial candidates, not providing titillating news copy as Election Day looms. Gov. Phil Murphy, who had a big, progressive vision in 2017, is now focused on “Moving New Jersey Forward,” featuring general ho-hum stuff. The governor wants better schools, a strong economy, a cleaner environment, etc. etc. Meanwhile, on the GOP side, “Jersey” Jack Ciattarelli is not burning up the news wires, either. He wants to cut taxes, reduce spending, run the government more efficiently, yada, yada. Ciattarelli offers some specifics, such as merging the Motor Vehicles Commission (MVC) with the Department of Transportation, reforming sex ed, and creating a cabinet-level position dedicated to “transformative urban community planning.” OK, great. But nothing being said in either campaign is earning a bumper sticker.

CAMDEN – The national school bus shortage is demanding plenty of ingenuity, like special drop-off locations for kids and staggered school schedules. The Camden schools are now being forced to kick it up yet another notch, handing $1,000 in cool, hard cash to parents willing to drive their kids to school. Another carrot, courtesy of the Camden schools, will be free monthly NJ Transit bus tickets for students to take public transportation with a legal adult. Right now, there are about 500 Camden students without rides this school year, NJ.com reports, so drastic measures are clearly needed.

SOUTH ORANGE – Maybe there would be more buses if there were more catalytic converters. The local school district – still dealing with vehicle damage from Hurricane Ida – has yet another headache in trying to get kids to school. Thieves made off with eight catalytic converters from school buses in the district’s fleet, NJ.com reports. This has prompted plenty more delays, similar to a case over the weekend in Westhampton, where these treasured converters were severed from the exhaust systems of 12 school buses, serving students with disabilities.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Walmart has a lower acceptance rate than Harvard.

STATEWIDE – Without buses, plenty of young, aspiring drivers have high hopes of securing an appointment at a MVC office to get a license or a permit. NJ.com jokes that these kids have a better shot of landing tickets to a World Cup soccer match in East Rutherford than getting an appointment for a driver’s test. Hopeful teens flocking to the MVC website to score an appointment for the written test or to apply for a permit are coming away empty. No appointments, whatsoever. The latest excuse? MVC officials say they are overwhelmed with permits for first-time drivers, a 65% spike from previous years and plenty more demand on the horizon. And there are many legitimate reasons for the increase. But it seems the MVC is always dealing with matters way out of its control, be it broken computers, short staffing, sick workers, new regulations, etc. Why must this state agency always be in crisis?

STATEWIDE – Should toddlers as young as two years old be forced to wear masks in day care? Gov. Murphy is saying “yes,” but GOP leaders have other opinions. “Forcing a two-year-old to wear a mask all day is big government at its worst,” state Sen. Kristin Corrado says. “Will working parents be forced to pick up their child from day care if they refuse to wear a mask or wear it properly? Will day care employees be reprimanded if a toddler refuses to comply?" All good questions, especially when dealing with the youngest children who can barely put on shoes and find their jackets. And, for struggling childcare centers, this mandate is certainly not good for business.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

BOSTON – We keep hearing about school bus shortages, but perhaps this solution has gone a bit too far. A group of charter school students were disappointed to learn their field trip would be in jeopardy when plans for a bus fell through. But then, at the last minute, a bus pulled up, to the glee of the 11th grade AP language and composition class. Just one problem: the bus is regularly used for bachelor parties as a mobile strip club, featuring neon, flashing lights, a killer sound system and a stripper pole in the center of it all. Not a problem, really, if you just don’t sit there, there and definitely not over there. “It is a funny story, but there actually is a real bus shortage and it speaks to major flaws in our education system,” noted the teacher, adding the field trip was still a success. Open bar never hurts.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1991 that pages of the Dead Sea Scrolls were finally made public, explaining some of society’s secrets more than 2,000 years ago.

WORD OF THE DAY

Flehmen – [FLAY-mun] – noun

Definition: A mammalian behavior (as of horses or cats), in which the animal inhales with the mouth open and upper lip curled. This is done to expose the nose to a scent.

Example: My wife often says I snore with a flehmen response.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Being vice president is comparable to a man in a cataleptic fit; he cannot speak; he cannot move; he suffers no pain; he is perfectly conscious of all that goes on, but has no part in it.” 

-Thomas R. Marshall

BIDEN BLURB

“Isn’t it a b*tch? This vice president thing? – That was a joke, that was a joke. Best decision I ever made. I’m joking. That was a joke.”

– Joe Biden, to a Harvard University student who identified himself as the student body’s vice president, in 2014.

WEATHER IN A WORD

Humid