The Jaffe Briefing - April 23, 2021
ASBURY PARK – With all these “Top 25” random rankings in all media, all the time, you really can’t expect the good people of Newsweek to actually visit Asbury Park before deeming it one of the best beach towns in the nation. Right? Of course, all would agree with the great recognition. But, when Newsweek describes the city as “the small seaside community,” you have to wonder if anyone at the magazine ever visited. Newsweek also says the “famous Jersey Shore is lined with sandy beaches and quiet towns.” Anyone who has ever been to Asbury Park – or the shore in general – would not exactly use the term “quiet” as the best way to describe our summers. One must also ponder, as Newsweek also gushes about “the assortment of independent boutique shops,” did the writer confuse Asbury Park with Cape May?
STATEWIDE – Thousands of people with developmental disabilities have silently suffered through the pandemic, unable to participate in work, recreation or day programs that had been closed for their safety. Yet, while so many other schools, businesses, restaurants and other venues reopened over the past few months, these people have sat at home, disengaged from friends and opportunities to earn money. Yesterday, after pressure from disability advocates and families who are planning a protest in Freehold tomorrow, the state finally relented, NJ.com reports, allowing 12,000 people with autism, cerebral palsy and other disabilities to finally return to their programs in the coming two weeks. Welcome relief.
STATEWIDE – It’s a starting point, but – all agree – we need to start somewhere. And that is why the state has compiled 120 pages of recommendations for its “Climate Change Resilience Strategy.” Gov. Phil Murphy, as well as any other person with a shred of common sense, knows that climate change is the single greatest threat to our way of life, as well as the economy. The state plan is all about making the Garden State more resilient to climate change so that, say, Freehold does not become oceanfront property for our great-grandchildren. State officials have released their plan to the public, sure to get plenty of comments on such a pressing issue. Yet – as we all agree, again – we’re just at the starting line in this sprint against time.
BRIEFING BREATHER
The Bubonic plague encouraged Shakespeare to write poetry.
PAULSBORO – The mysterious $100 million deli appears to now be worth less than $100 million. This bizarre story, in which a single, small deli was somehow valued at a fortune on the financial markets, has taken a turn for deli investors. OTC Markets Group, an over-the-counter stock exchange, has delisted the deli’s stock, called “Hometown International,” and also labeled it as buyer beware, for obvious reasons, NJ.com reports. The deli, owned by the local wrestling coach, became national news last week when its stock inexplicably exploded. Financial experts concluded that the neighborhood speck of a deli – which was closed for parts of the pandemic – offered shareholders zero reasons to believe it could be valued at $100 million, prompting the market to give this stock a boot from its trading platform.
IN THE MEDIA
JERSEY CITY – The media, which has been reporting on all the efforts to scrub offensive symbols from our nation’s often-painful history, is now getting a little of its own scrubbing, the Jersey Journal reports. For the past 88 years, the college newspaper at St. Peter’s University has been called “The Pauw Wow,” named after a 17th-century colonial official, Michiel Pauw, who was reportedly cruel to Native Americans and also a slave trader. Some were also offended that “pow wow” used to create “Pauw Wow” is offensive to the indigenous people. And, so, say goodbye to “The Pauw Wow” and welcome to the “Saint Peter’s Tribune.”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. – A drive-by turtling? A 71-year-old woman riding with her daughter on Interstate 95 got smacked in the head by a flying turtle when it smashed through the windshield, the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports.
Here’s the 911 transcript between the daughter and a passing motorist:
“There is a turtle in there,” the man can be overheard saying.
“A turtle!” the daughter exclaimed. “An actual turtle?”
The gash drew plenty of blood, but the woman was thankfully not seriously hurt. No condition is yet available on the turtle, which “experts” believe was likely crossing the interstate and got knocked into the air by some vehicle.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2012 that Kazakhstan leaders relent over the initial ban of the movie “Borat,” even giving an official “thank you” to Sasha Baron Cohen for mercilessly mocking their Central Asian country through his character Borat Gagdiyev.
WORD OF THE DAY
Bogart – [BOH-gahrt] – verb
Definition: To use the entirety of or consume without sharing
Example: Xbox bogarts every moment of my son’s time.
WIT OF THE DAY
“Death by violence, death by cold, death by starvation, – these are the normal endings of the stately and beautiful creatures of the wilderness. The sentimentalists who prattle about the peaceful life of nature do not realize its utter mercilessness.”
-Theodore Roosevelt
BIDEN BLURB
“If you need more than 10 rounds to hunt, and some argue they hunt with that many rounds, you shouldn't be hunting. If you can't get the deer in 3 shots, you shouldn't be hunting. You are an embarrassment.”
-Joe Biden
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sweet