The Jaffe Briefing - April 20, 2021

FORT LEE – Move over Vegas, there’s now Fort Lee? Apparently, this Jersey town just over the George Washington Bridge has become a gambling mecca for out-of-staters who want to make legal sports wagers in New Jersey. Honestly, we had no idea. But this story has been broken by the Basketball News, which now apparently is into real journalism. Sportsbook insiders make a huge claim: Fort Lee is now taking more action on any given day than the entire state of Nevada, with online bets coming from the parking lots of three Starbucks right off the GWB. This trend promises to be very short-lived, however, as New York will have its legalized sports gambling up and running in a few short months. Then, there will be no need for gamblers to spend $16 on the GWB toll. Locals in Fort Lee will recall that brief moment in time when this cyber gold rush crossed the bridge, replaced only with tumbleweeds and memories.

STATEWIDE – While statewide voters overwhelmingly supported legalized weed in the voting booth this November, there’s an interesting trend: local governing bodies are banning dispensaries within their borders. How weird: voters in 562 of the 565 municipalities gave their full-throated support, yet dozens of towns have already decided to ban dispensaries, pot farms and manufacturers, the Asbury Park Press reports. The reason is obvious: People are happy to buy pot; they just don’t want it sold in their own town. “I guarantee that, if you put a question saying, ‘Point Pleasant Beach, do you want a marijuana grow or storefront here,' it would fail overwhelmingly – Republicans, Democrats, independents," said Point Pleasant Beach Mayor Paul Kanitra, whose borough council wants to opt-out. But a dispensary in, say, Lakewood? Sure!

HACKENSACK – Boy, those reporters can be pesky. Especially the ones who actually take the time to see how many of the candidates for City Council have actually taken the time to vote in previous elections. The Record reports there are 15 candidates vying for five seats on May 11, but noted that 11 of them never bothered to vote in at least one city election in the last three cycles. The pesky reporters asked the candidates why. Excuses were all over the place. One candidate fessed up and just admitted he forgot. Another just moved to town and hadn’t yet focused on stuff. Incumbent Councilman David Sims declined to give a reason, calling the Record’s inquiry both “offensive and ridiculous.” Let’s see if the voters agree.

BRIEFING BREATHER

The U.S. Air Force introduced Bob Ross to painting.

STATEWIDE – Things are getting crazy at a cul-de-sac near you. NJ.com is having plenty of fun writing about the current real estate craze and the ways in which Realtors are ginning up the frenzy. There was an apparent fistfight among potential buyers. There was the Realtor who offered free tacos to schedule a closing on a day that best fit her hectic schedule, a potential buyer throwing in a free one-year Netflix subscription and sellers demanding non-refundable deposits. There’s “love letters” to sellers, in which buyers gush about how much they love the seller’s personal tastes. There are impatient buyers offering 20% over the sell price to end any competition. There are all-cash offers, with buyers dashing off personal checks for $1 million or so. There are buyers arriving at open houses hours before the scheduled start for the competitive edge, and even buyers “doing the wave” as they line outside a house, all waiting to be let in. Now’s the time to paint your tool shed and market it as a $1 million “cottage.”

TABERNACLE — A homemade gizmo that was supposed to find alien visitors was found and dismantled in Wharton State Forest. The amateur UFO detector – made from headphones wired to a block of wood and a big soup can – looked odd enough for the State Park Police to call in bomb-sniffing dogs, who didn’t give a woof about this doohickey. Patch.com suggests an anonymous alien-hunter set up the contraption after Oct. 20 reports to the National UFO Reporting Center about “four circular lights moving back and forth, and up and down” above the forest. In a social media post, cops say: “ Although humankind and visitors to state parks appreciate extraterrestrial early warning devices like this, we should not be finding them in our parks.” Rather, they should be kept on a shelf at Radio Shack.

STATEWIDE – It’s a new era, so it’s time our driver’s licenses reflect that. And so the Motor Vehicle Commission is now offering an additional gender option: an “X” to show “unspecified.” So, there will now be a check-off box alongside the traditional male and female options for those drivers who identify themselves in another way. And for those New Jerseyans who have been calling for this diversity and inclusion at the MVC, it just costs $11 to change a current license – the same cost as producing a duplicate license. 

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

LAKE VIEW, N.Y. – It’s the crime of the century in Lake View, and it looks like the big case is cracked. The victims, an upstate New York couple, may have finally solved the mystery of who’s been tossing used coffee cups on their front yard for nearly three years. They tell The Buffalo News they have been desperate for an answer, even mounting a camera in a tree to catch the mysterious chronic litterer. But the case didn’t see some real traction until the entire neighborhood got involved, with some Inspector Gadget following an odd minivan and jotting down the license plate. That led to a 76-year-old man, who had once worked with the wife and argued with her over labor union issues. Once cops charged this senior citizen with harassment, the littering immediately stopped. Case, apparently, closed.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1991 that High Times Magazine made the very first reference to a “4:20” Holiday. And what’s the history here?

In 1971, five high school students in San Rafael, CA. used the term "4:20" as part of their grand plan to find an abandoned cannabis crop, based on a treasure map the grower made. Calling themselves the “Waldos” because of their typical hang-out spot was a wall outside the school, the five designated the Louis Pasteur statue on the grounds of San Rafael High School as their meeting place, and 4:20 pm as their meeting time. The Waldos referred to this plan with the phrase "4:20 Louis." After several failed attempts to find the crop, the group eventually shortened their phrase to "4:20," which ultimately evolved into a code-word the teens used for smoking weed.

WORD OF THE DAY

Lodestone – [LOHD-stohn] – noun

Definition: Something that strongly attracts

Example: The Louis Pasteur statue is a lodestone for high school kids.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.”

-Mark Twain

BIDEN BLURB

“Altering Senate rules to help in one political fight or another could become standard operating procedure, which, in my view, would be disastrous.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Glorious