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The Jaffe Briefing - March 11, 2021

STATEWIDE – For the moment let’s just completely ignore the crushing federal debt. Rather, let’s just celebrate that New Jersey is now looking at $10.2 billion in federal aid as part of this massive $1.9 trillion stimulus. Finally, New Jersey is getting something back for all the money we throw at Washington, year after year. It’s all about covering lost revenues, maintaining services, avoiding layoffs, investing in infrastructure and providing aid to residents and small businesses. The big winners? All municipalities in the state, which will be getting huge chunks of cash. Itty-bitty Helmetta is getting $211,690, while Newark is expecting a whopping $182.6 million. It all begs the question: how will all this money be correctly spent and accountable? Towns eagerly await guidance, as taxpayers clamor for relief.

STATEWIDE – The next time you belly up to a bar, you may not have to yell across the room to say hello to the customer next to you. Beginning at 6 a.m. on March 19, capacity in bars – as well as restaurants, casinos, gyms and amusement venues – will increase to 50%. It is all part of the magic formula in Gov. Phil Murphy’s mind, in which he is slowly and deliberately opening businesses as the number of hospital patients statewide continues to fall. Again, it is all welcoming news as the clock tick, tick, ticks towards Memorial Day when, perhaps, lingering restrictions won’t be noticed as we all rush to the shore. (Or are we just getting swept up in this 70-degree weather?)

NEW BRUNSWICK – Johnson & Johnson’s financial outlook for 2021 is certainly getting a shot in the arm, with word that President Biden is doubling his order of the pharma giant’s vaccine. The purchase order has been doubled to 100 million doses, which would now make it possible for Uncle Sam to vaccinate 500 million people – about 180 million more individuals than the entire national population. Unclear how J&J can fulfill such a massive order in the upcoming months, but assume the folks in the Band-Aid department are being temporarily assigned. And maybe even Joe and Sally over in baby shampoo.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Lead was once used for makeup.

EDISON – Has Law & Order finally come to Edison? We’re not talking actual justice. We’re talking about “Law & Order: Organized Crime,” the newest spin-off from Dick Wolf’s TV series franchise. TAPinto says cast and crew just spent a day filming at the Middlesex County Police Training Center in Thomas Edison State Park. Scenes shot in Edison and elsewhere around the state will air April 1 on NBC, part of a two-hour “Law & Order: SVU” crossover episode to introduce the new series that stars actors Chris Meloni and Dylan McDermott. Sorry, no spoilers. Everyone on the scene was sworn to secrecy since Middlesex County signed non-disclosure agreements. As for real law and order coming to town? Remember, this is all fiction.

LONG BEACH TWP – It’s getting harder to make extra bucks renting rooms or apartments within walking distance of the glorious ocean or Barnegat Bay. Officials here just banned all ‘for rent’ signs on front lawns, Mayor Joe Mancini telling The Sandpaper: “It’ll clean up this town.” Upset that so many homeowners keep ugly, faded ‘for rent’ signs “perpetually or indefinitely” on their front yards, the council OK’d a long-winded measure saying such signs damage the “environmental welfare, health and safety” and harm “the aesthetic harmony and overall beauty of neighborhoods.” Homeowners have 30 days to comply, while commission-hungry Realtors do joyful backflips.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Perhaps the Cold War is officially over, at least in Providence. The last visual piece of history – a Cold War-era Russian submarine once seen in a movie starring Harrison Ford – caught on fire Tuesday morning, as workers were blowtorching it for scrap. For devastated submarine lovers, this relic was known as “Juliett 484” and at one point made for a really cool restaurant and vodka bar in Helsinki, Finland. Somehow, it also got to a Ford flick known as “K-19: The Widowmaker” before, somehow being left to rust in Providence, sitting in a waterfront scrap yard, begging for its remains to be torched.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 2014 that Men’s Wearhouse announced a merger with JoS. A Bank. And that’s weird: anyone dealing with menswear companies are usually urged to buy one, get two free.

WORD OF THE DAY

Tutelary – [TOO-tuh-lair-ee] – adjective

Definition: having guardianship over a person or thing

Example: As a parent, I now want to be referred to as an “individual with tutelary deities.”

WIT OF THE DAY

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."

-Martin Mull

BIDEN BLURB

“I'm not exploring. I'm in. And this is the beginning of a marathon…”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

May?