The Jaffe Briefing - February 4, 2021

TRENTON – Let’s just make the gigantic assumption that Gov. Phil Murphy gets up each morning, gives Tammy a kiss and then races to his computer to see what we have to say about things. What other feasible reason is there for his decision to increase capacity in restaurants and bars just in time for the Super Bowl? Yep, he has directly heard the pleas, we are sure, agreeing to expand indoor capacity from 25% to 35%. Local towns can now decide the closing time, beyond 10 p.m. This new measure brings some much-needed relief to bars and restaurants, as well as other desperate businesses, such as gyms, casinos and barber shops.

TRENTON – And let the celebration continue. Other big winners this morning are brides and grooms, who can finally have real weddings. Citing the steady reduction in infection rates in the state, Murphy says the blushing couples can now hold indoor events for up to 150 tear-filled guests (including the bride and groom). That new restriction is also a big relief for politicians – especially those running for re-election in the state Legislature – who have been unable to throw large fundraisers to fuel their campaigns for November. Also great news for your local pastor and undertaker – who can now have more people at their religious services and funerals, beginning at 8 a.m. Friday.

BRIEFING BREATHER

Months that begin on a Sunday always have a “Friday the 13th.” 

NEWARK – This city and snow don’t mix. Whenever there is heavy snowfall, the downtown is brought to its knees, as major arteries in this 355-year-old city are famously clogged with cars. And, with 16 inches falling earlier this week, some ingenuity was desperately needed. And that is why the city called on the “Minutemen,” local residents with snow plows who were paid $100-$300 to help clear the streets. They heeded the call via the DPW, which dispatched them to different wards in need. Newark officials told NJ.com that 85% of the roads were cleared as of yesterday afternoon. But that still meant plenty of infuriated residents, begging for a minute from a Minuteman.

TRENTON – So, what’s he smokin’? That, perhaps, is what people are asking state Sen. Gerald Cardinale as he pushes a surprise bill that would allow everyone to have up to five home-grown pot plants for personal use. Yet, don’t think about a sixth plant – a felony that would come with a $25,000 fine or up to five years in jail. Cardinale, 86, a conservative stalwart who’s been anti-weed probably since hearing news accounts of Woodstock, had a change of heart after two-thirds of New Jerseyans voted to legalize the drug last year. He tells NJ101.5: “If adults want to use marijuana … they should be allowed to cultivate it at home.” Cardinale, the longest-serving GOP lawmaker in state history, also just announced he’s running for a 13th term. To quote a lyric from the senator’s 1960-era record collection: The times they are a-changin'.

IN THE MEDIA

STATEWIDE – We are officially no longer watching CBS This Morning, as the chatty anchors decided to weigh in this morning on which state in the tri-state area has the best pizza. Ugh. Gayle King is from Connecticut, and noted her area code is from there, so that was her strange take on things. Tony Dokoupil gushed over some random place in New Haven, while Anthony Mason was non-committal. Jaws dropped all over Jersey, before everyone switched over to the “Today” show. How can you trust these people ever again?

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

CHARLESTON, W.Va. – Maybe life was better when she was dead. The West Virginia woman who famously faked her death to avoid going to prison has found herself with yet another year tacked on her sentence for health care fraud. You may recall how she made national news last summer conspiring with her husband, who claimed she had fallen from an overlook at a gorge, prompting a massive search. The search was expanded all the way to her bedroom closet, where she was found hiding two days later. A federal judge says that stunt equates to obstruction of justice and, thus, more time in jail, for the living.

BAR GRAMMAR

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1998 that Bill Gates got a pie to the face when he visited Brussels. Yum, blueberry!

WORD OF THE DAY

Prepossessing – [pree-puh-ZESS-ing] – adjective

Definition: Attractive, creating a favorable impression

Example: Now that Gov. Murphy has expanded capacity in bars, he will be considered much more prepossessing when he asks for a beer.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets."

-Ronald Reagan

BIDEN BLURB

“For too long as a nation, we have been lulled by the anthem of self-interest. For a decade, led by Ronald Reagan, self-aggrandizement has been the full-throated cry of this society: 'I've got mine, so why don't you get yours' and 'What's in it for me?'”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Mixed