The Jaffe Briefing - January 14, 2021

STATEWIDE – Towns and counties are preparing for a deluge of vaccination requests, as Gov. Phil Murphy has greatly widened the net of those eligible for the COVID 19 shot. Now, there are nearly 4.5 million New Jerseyans who will be invited to roll up their sleeves and hope for one of the 655,000 doses currently earmarked for our state. The hope is the feds will open the floodgates and significantly increase deliveries in the coming weeks, as people ages 65 and up, as well as others with certain medical conditions, wait patiently (or not.)

STATEWIDE – While two million smokers are being thrust to the front of the line for vaccination, one must ask: What about teachers? Thousands of them are working in schools, dealing with sneezing, running noses all day to educate our cherubs, yet they are not on any priority list. NJ.com reports there are 79 school districts in the state offering full, in-person instruction this week, as well as countless private and parochial schools. As many state lawmakers push for schools to at least provide “hybrid instruction,” teachers need to cut the line. (No pushing, please.)

MONTAGUE — Nobody likes those irritating robocalls that disrupt the final round of “Family Feud.” But, you’re likely to listen if those prerecorded messages are about your kid’s school. Even so, the school board in this small Sussex County town just banned Superintendent Tim Capone from using the district’s automated call system for anything but real emergencies. The Daily Record says the crackdown comes after Capone reportedly misused robocalls to express displeasure with school board decisions. In some cases, he chose to castigate board members by name. Saying his robocalls to parents were “unprofessional and frivolous,” the board pulled the plug. Hey, it’s their call.

BRIEFING BREATHER

It's impossible to hum while you hold your nose. (Go, ahead, try.)

TRENTON – State legislative offices haven't been visited very often since the COVID outbreak last March, but Assembly Democrats have now officially closed their offices until January 20 with all this crazy word of insurrection connected to the inauguration. Senate President Steve Sweeney told NJ.com he is to receive a security briefing today and will then decide if Senate offices will close, as well. Meanwhile, there will be heavy security at the State House, as wackos are vowing to do damage to protest the “stolen” election. Security costs will soar, with hope this is a lot of nothing.

STATEWIDE – If you haven’t yet noticed, any newsworthy event always somehow involves someone from New Jersey. So, of no great surprise, the Biden inauguration celebration will feature Jon Bon Jovi, of course, as well as Willingboro-raised singer and producer Ant Clemons, known for his “fluttery falsetto and signature red beanie.” It’s all part of the “Celebrate America” event airing next Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. on practically every TV station and streaming service. With Tom Hanks as host, you know it’s going to be a feel-good event, with absolutely no word of an appearance from Cha-Chi.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – If you are one to panic if your cherished wine bottles are not refrigerated perfectly at 52.5 degrees, then you will have little regard for the 12 bottles of French Bordeaux wine that broke through the 3,000 degree atmosphere, en route to the International Space Station. Those bottles have now returned to Earth, along with hundreds of snippets of grapevines, as part of a year-long study to see how wine does when orbiting the planet for a year. Unclear why this study was undertaken, unless NASA is planning to franchise intergalactic liquor stores. Regardless, NASA will uncork the wine next month, hoping for an out-of-this-world experience.

BAR GRAMMAR

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

The signature car chase was never the same after “The Blues Brothers” hit theaters on this day in 1980, destroying 103 cars in the process.

WORD OF THE DAY

Baksheesh – [BAK-sheesh] – noun

Definition: Payment (such as a tip or bribe) to expedite service

Example: Maybe if we send Congress some baksheesh, they’ll send out $2,000 stimulus checks.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Washington D.C. is 12 square miles bordered by reality.”

- Andrew Johnson

BIDEN BLURB

“My number one priority is getting people vaccinated as quickly as we can to get our country back on track.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

50?