The Jaffe Briefing - October 13, 2020
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Procrastinators: Your time has come. You gotta know that Election Day is just three weeks away. You must be inundated with campaign messages in your inbox, in your mail and on your TV. Yet, you are still not registered to vote, figuring you have plenty of time to get to that. Well, pal, today is the day. It is finally the drop-dead deadline to register. Unclear what the heck you have been waiting for, but your registration form must be submitted online by 11:59 p.m. tonight. So, it looks like you only have a few more hours to fritter. Time to have some degree of focus. Register HERE, if you can get around to it.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – It’s hard for a kid to make a buck these days. Thankfully, their good pals in the State Senate are here to help, introducing a bill that would allow for teens as young as 16 to serve as poll workers on Election Day, Nov. 3. Sure, it will be a slog of a day, as teens need to hang around the polls for 15 hours and listen to rambling stories from their fellow poll workers, many of whom have been doing the annual gig since the Roosevelt Administration. Moreover, it’s been tough to find semi-awake poll workers, especially during the pandemic. So the State Senate hopes to pull the kids off Xbox and force them into unwanted conversations as the clock…slowly….moves….throughout….the….day.
TRENTON – Unbelievable it’s come to this, but now there’s a proposed law that would make it illegal to spit on a cop’s lunch. (You’ve been warned.) The law – which would deem hocking loogies in food and drink to be aggravated assault – was prompted after a 21-year-old Starbucks barista made national news for spitting in Frappucinos ordered by Bergen County cops. He was charged with subjecting a law enforcement officer to bodily fluid, which is a third-degree crime. (Again, you have been warned.) Under the proposed state law, anyone convicted of illegal spitting would be looking at five years in jail, where guards will eagerly spit in your watery coffee each morning to remind you of your crime to their brethren.
BRIEFING BREATHER
Texas is the only state that allows residents to cast absentee ballots from space.
PISCATAWAY – Just in time for Rutgers basketball nuts, Gov. Phil Murphy has given the OK for indoor sports to immediately commence throughout the state. That means the NCAA has the blessing for practices and games, as it prepares for winter sports. No fans, of course, but at least our TVs can still broadcast this highly-talented basketball team that was headed into the NCAA tournament in March before everything went south. The madness all begins, again, in December.
STATEWIDE – New Jersey has had a rich history of brewing beer since the 1600s, so why don’t we do a better job marketing our delicious suds? That’s the question from Assemblyman Hal Wirths, who says neighboring states are eating our lunch when it comes to marketing homegrown breweries, NJ 101.5 reports. So, Wirths thinks its high time for a state law, with tourism folks organizing “brewery trails” that can lead beer lovers to the promised land, as they navigate the backroads of New Jersey. There would also be a website with some good information about each brewery, with some key points about how each must be visited and enjoyed. Perhaps this legislation is co-sponsored by Uber.
HARRISON – Perhaps it meandered into the city from Route 280 east? There doesn’t seem to be any other logical reason for the bear that was visiting the urban hamlet of Harrison. Local cops say the bear was first seen outside the Wawa on Saturday afternoon – perhaps in search of a quick chicken wrap – before he then headed over to the Red Bull Arena, maybe hoping to see a game. Then, the bear was spotted on the roof of a business before heading in the direction of the nearby Hampton Inn, perhaps for some hibernation after a long day on the town.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
POMPEII – Don’t steal our artifacts. That’s the well-learned lesson of a Canadian tourist, who says she has been tortured after she took some fragments from this ancient Italian city 15 years ago, when, she admits, she was “young” and “dumb.” Her life has been so miserable since 2005 that she sent a contrite letter to the Archaeological Park of Pompeii, with the fragments dating back to the year 79, saying she has been cursed and begging for forgiveness. In handing back mosaic tiles, parts of an amphora and a piece of ceramics, she admits her life has fallen apart, including two bouts of breast cancer, CNN reports. "Please, take them back, they bring bad luck," she wrote. Pompeii officials were not impressed, saying there have been about 100 documented cases of tourists stealing stuff and then getting plagued with years of misfortune. It’s so common, in fact, that there’s now a museum display of stolen stuff that’s been returned with many, many heartfelt apologies.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1963 that “Beatlemania” was officially coined.
WORD OF THE DAY
Mythomania – [mith-uh-MAY-nee-uh] – noun
Definition: An excessive or abnormal propensity for lying and exaggerating
Example: If we claim that one of the candidates for President has suffered from decades of well-documented, glaring mythomania, some readers would accuse us of bias.
WIT OF THE DAY
“California is a place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.”
-Walter Winchell
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“California is going to hell. Vote Trump!”
-Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Clearing
THE NEW 60
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