The Jaffe Briefing - September 30, 2020

MOUNTAINSIDE – Thank the NY Post headline writers for this one: “That’s some dil-dough!” They are referring to the $2.45 million settlement with some local cops who were harassed for more than a decade with a large dildo at police HQ. These cops claim the police brass allowed ongoing “harassing, inappropriate and illegal conduct” by the sex toy — now famously dubbed “Big Blue.” Six employees are splitting the cash, after saying they were tortured by Big Blue on almost a daily basis. Apparently, if you happened to walk by the Detective Bureau, a superior officer would throw Big Blue your way, a joke, apparently, with no end. The lawsuit led to the resignation of both the police chief and the primary dildo-wielder.

TRENTON – So, the governor has signed a nine-month budget. Time to celebrate? Well, if you were eager for the state to finally have a millionaire’s tax, then perhaps a quick high-five. If you are someone who believes the state should have a strong cushion or surplus, then perhaps you have a slight smile. But this $32.7 billion spending plan is also fueled by $4.5 billion in loans, required to support this pandemic recession. And that has left no one smiling, for this generation or next.

STATEWIDE – You may recall that huge, quick uproar earlier this month, when state highway officials attempted to remove some of the tattered, weather-worn American flags that were tied to the overpasses on both the Turnpike and the Parkway. The governor quickly slapped that down, especially as the flags were being removed just before 9/11. Now it looks like we can all fly our flags with pride on those overpasses, just as long as we secure a permit and maintain the flag, under this temporary policy, NJ.com reports. That’s fine, as long as securing a permit is reasonably possible, dealing with a state agency.

BRIEFING BREATHER

They never said “Beam me up, Scotty” on Star Trek.

ATLANTIC CITY – As casino employment is down 20% and the city braces for the change in weather, local officials are praying that Gov. Phil Murphy will reconsider the 25% indoor dining mandate that also includes the state’s struggling gaming resort. One councilman questions how AC is supposed to compete, especially with Maryland at 75% indoor dining capacity and Pennsylvania at 50%. The obvious concern: What bar or restaurant can possibly survive in AC throughout the entire winter if there are no conventions in town and they are greatly limited in how many customers they can serve?  No doubt, a quandary, as they push paying customers away. Yet again, business interests are clashing with this international health emergency, with a long, cold, winter expected.

ASBURY PARK – We all know: there are plenty of huge, national pollsters out there. But, for some reason, Donald Trump likes to refer to the Rasmussen Reports, headquartered right off Cookman Avenue. The Asbury Park Press ponders the reason. Well, it seems this particular poll consistently shows Trump with voter approvals markedly higher than the mainstream polls that the media always quotes. And Rasmussen Reports' latest poll on the presidential race has Trump statistically even, sometimes even a point ahead, over Joe Biden. But before you think that we think Rasmussen is some bogus Trump thing, this one pollster came really close to predicting the 2016 election. Do they know something that everyone else doesn’t?

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

FRISKNEY, UK – Unclear what you have been learning during the pandemic, but five parrots at the local zoo have spent all the extra time teaching each other profanity. It has gotten so bad that the zookeeper has yanked five of the birds from public display, so they can stop shouting obscenities at visitors. The Lincolnshire Wildlife Park says these five African grey parrots were donated from five separate owners, and put in quarantine together. It looks like one of them came from a salty-voiced owner. “It just went ballistic, they were all swearing,” zoo chief executive Steve Nichols told CNN. “We were a little concerned about the children.”

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

What a turn-out on this fall day at Shea in 1980, when just 1,754 fans turn out to see a meaningless game between the last-place Mets and the first-place Phillies.

WORD OF THE DAY

Susurration – [ soo-suh-rey-shuhn ] – noun

Definition: a soft murmur, whisper

Example: As Trump yelled throughout last night’s debate, there was a susurration of protest from his challenger, continually saying “That’s not true.”

TODAY'S TRUMPISM

“Proud Boys, stand back and stand by.”

-Donald J. Trump

WIT OF THE DAY

“Trump basically said to go fuck them up! This makes me so happy.”

-Joe Biggs, Proud Boys

(Proud Boys is a far-right fascist and neo-fascist White-only male group that promotes political violence in the U.S.)

WEATHER IN A WORD

Breezy

THE NEW 60

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by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun

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