The Jaffe Briefing - September 16, 2020

EAST RUTHERFORD – There was at least one item of interest from the Giants opening loss to the Steelers on Monday – the apparent UFO flying in an ominous dusk sky over the Meadowlands. Stunned gawkers pulled their eyes off their TVs, likely just as Daniel Jones was running away from another sack, to look toward the heavens. Meanwhile, motorists pulled their cars to the side of the road, as they stared in wonder at this strange flying saucer with blinking neon. The gray, oval-shaped thing lingered above the stadium, and then circled, as North Jerseyans prepared to finally meet the aliens. Finally, someone less drunk said, “Uh, is that just the Goodyear Blimp?” Yes. Yes, it was.

TRENTON - Pretty sneaky sis, trying to grab $10 million from the New Jersey Clean Communities budget to fund the state parks in the upcoming budget. But the state is forbidden from raiding the Clean Communities fund, based on a little-known provision in a 2002 law. According to an op-ed on NJ.com, a "poison pill" was enacted 18 years ago, stipulating that if any governor ever dared to raid the account, the tax money used to fund it would immediately vanish. No governor has ever attempted to yank money from the state's non-profit, litter-fighting organization - until now. Clean Communities leaders are now giving him a polite reminder.

BRIEFING BREATHER

The inventor of the Frisbee was cremated and made into a Frisbee after he died.

NEW BRUNSWICK – The stars are lining up for Big 10 football this year, kicking off Oct. 23. For the past few weeks, there has been plenty of drama, with excited chatter that Rutgers can actually play beginning next month. Even President Trump – who apparently has nothing else to do – has weighed in, encouraging the season to begin with clearly no regard for student safety. The Big 10 announced its decision this morning; the schedule has not been made public. This "game on" is not a surprise: There’s more than $750 million in Big 10 television revenue at stake. So, fellas, suit up.

STATEWIDE – That high school bully who shoved you into a locker after third period every day may have graduated, but he may be returning to a classroom near you. State lawmakers are considering a bill that would allow college students as young as 20 to return to the public schools as substitute teachers. It is all part of the effort to fill the substitute ranks, as many schools are having a hard time recruiting warm bodies to hand out worksheets and deal with flying paper airplanes during this lingering pandemic. This is a great opportunity for would-be teachers to decide if they actually want to pursue a job in education, or if, perhaps, a career at Chipotle would be less stressful. More guac?

TRENTON – With everything going on in politics, and a $4 billion or so shortfall in the state budget, at least we can be distracted by pizza. So, in likely the most read blurb of today’s newsletter, let’s discuss Gov. Phil Murphy’s tit-for-tat with the Connecticut governor over who has the best pizza. While the answer is glaringly obvious, here we go: Connecticut Gov. Ned Lamont gushed that his state had the “best pizza in the US,” with six pizzerias listed on The Daily Meal’s list of the 101 best pizza places in the country. New Jersey had four. “Stay in your lane, Ned,” Murphy warned. Expect New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio to weigh in. But as NJ.com is quick to note, that guy eats pizza with a fork and thus can’t be taken seriously about anything.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

LAKE WORTH,  FL. – You are a classy person. No doubt. So we have a condo to show you in Florida that just oozes class. This special, one-of-a-kind dwelling features Budweiser beer cans that line the walls and ceilings. Nothing screams “Frat Basement” like this special place, which has beer cans on every single foot of wall and ceiling, except the bathroom. (That would be overdoing it.) You will also be dazzled by the fact the previous owner was able to create crown molding out of the cans.  The home was listed at $100,000 and there are multiple offers, of course. The realtor explains the previous owner was a lifelong fan on Anheuser Busch, with a lifetime mission to wallpaper his home in beer cans. Mission Accomplished.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 2013 that a brain-eating amoeba is found in the tap water near New Orleans. Not really newsworthy.

WORD OF THE DAY

Cronyism – [KROH-nee-iz-um] – noun

Definition: Partiality to cronies, especially as evidenced in the appointment of political hangers-on to office without regard to their qualifications

Example: Without cronyism, how would you expect government to fill its ranks?

WIT OF THE DAY

“You don't need to prove a thing when you sow the seeds of conspiracy.”

― Anthony T. Hincks

TODAY'S TRUMPISM

“Fake News is at it again! They will take any statement from me, no matter how proper or well delivered, & systematically, in complete conjunction with all of their allies, dismantle it.”

-Donald J. Trump

WEATHER IN A WORD

Perfect

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