The Jaffe Briefing - May 8, 2020
FORT LEE – All that remains are the “tell-all” books sure to be written after the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision yesterday to throw out the convictions of two political insiders ensnared in the so-called “Bridgegate” mess that ultimately derailed Gov. Chris Christie’s unlikely bid for the White House. A unanimous high court agreed the government overreached in its punishment of former Christie pals Bridget Kelly and Bill Baroni for their roles in creating the most infamous traffic jam in modern-day Jersey history. It has been seven years of hell for these two loyal soldiers; Baroni spent time in jail, Kelly was about to go in. Christie, in a statement, reiterated no one did anything wrong and blamed the Justice Department under former President Obama for the lengthy prosecution. (Thanks, Obama.)
STATEWIDE – Now, we all know these are difficult times, indeed, and no one in the state Labor Department could fathom such a massive mess. But there are 300,000 New Jerseyans now waiting for their unemployment checks, about a third of the 1 million requests that have pounded the state’s system over the past few weeks. The state has handed out $1.9 billion, so far, to the unemployed, which is laudable. But the fact that so many people are still waiting is unfair to those who have contributed to the system for years and are now waiting in their time of need, as the state’s phones keep ringing and web portal keeps crashing.
DOWN THE SHORE – For the ribbon of towns along the Jersey Shore, the 15 weeks between Memorial Day and Labor Day are crucial to their — and, indeed, the state’s — economic well-being. They’ve weathered hard times and catastrophes before, but they’re facing a summer season like no other, given the complexities of adjusting to the coronavirus pandemic. Now, as NJ Spotlight reports, Shore towns have reached that critical moment in which they must figure how to begin reopening in order to salvage the livelihoods of seasonal businesses without risking the lives of residents and visitors. The stakes are high, with a projected $31 million loss in tourism dollars. “We have to work really smart this summer, and the general public has to be smart, too,” one Ocean City business owner said. And, yes, watch out for knuckleheads.
BRIEFING BREATHER
America is responsible for 20% of the world’s garbage.
EDISON – A food drive to benefit the busiest food pantry in town is getting broad, diverse support from two dozen civic groups, schools, churches and labor unions. They are all partnering with the South Edison Community Association for its non-perishable food drive tomorrow to help “Hands of Hope,” a food pantry that provides groceries and meals to 4,500 needy area families. Organizer Jill Mesonas tells TAPinto that coronavirus restrictions “put a greater burden on Hands of Hope. More people not working, more are staying home, so there are now more local families struggling.” Mesonas says she’s “proud of such generous, dynamic and diverse support from so many groups.” There’s nothing like a pandemic to bring good people together.
KNUCKLEHEAD OF THE DAY
SEASIDE PARK – An Ocean County College student went out to the beach to read a book on April 12. News 12 reports he sat by himself; no one was around. He didn’t see any signs that indicated the beach was closed. As he was reading “Understanding Human Nature” by renowned psychologist Alfred Adler, a cop told him to leave. So, he got up to leave, no problemo. The student was still issued a summons for “defiant trespass,” and needs to appear in municipal court in June, looking at a fine of up to $1,000 and a possible jail sentence of six months. “I’m a knucklehead,” the student proclaims. C’mon; be real. No Murphies here.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
THORNTON, IA – In December of 1987, a woman visited San Francisco. That is somehow relevant now for a hog farmer in rural Iowa, who just received the postcard she mailed him. So, it took 33 years for this postcard to arrive, featuring a lovely photo of the woman posing on a Grand Canyon hike, the Santa Rose Press-Democrat reports. The ancient postcard had a second postmark on it – from April 29 this year. It all prompted this hog farmer to call the local post office with a polite “WTF?” The response: The U.S. Post Office is now undertaking a deep cleaning because of COVID-19, with all the lost mail that fell behind counters, machines and furniture suddenly being unearthed and mailed.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Satire took a huge step forward on this day in 1952, when MAD Magazine released its very first issue.
WORD OF THE DAY
Verboten – [ver-BOH-tun] – adjective
Definition: forbidden
Example: I can’t wait until eating in a restaurant is no longer verboten.
WIT OF THE DAY
“If somebody can’t handle a Twitter account, they can’t handle the nuclear codes.”
-Barack Obama
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“Congratulations to former Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, and all others involved, on a complete and total exoneration (with a 9-0 vote by the U.S. Supreme Court) on the Obama DOJ Scam referred to as 'Bridgegate.' The Democrats are getting caught doing very evil things, and Republicans should take note. This was grave misconduct by the Obama Justice Department!”
- Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Brrr