The Jaffe Briefing - May 4, 2020
ON THE ROAD – Those “Don’t be a Knucklehead” signs are popping up along highways all over New Jersey and state Sen. Joe Pennacchio doesn’t like it one bit. The Morris County Republican fired off a missive to the media that “strongly condemn(s) the flippant language” that Murphy is using for those numbskulls who ignore social distancing and curfews; who steal surgical masks, price gouge and hoard hand sanitizer. But Pennacchio says that describing such selfish nitwits as “knuckleheads” is just “sophomoric” and “disrespectful.” And this high-minded lawmaker knows all about being tactful. After all, he co-chairs our state’s re-election campaign for President Donald Trump.
TRENTON – The City Council here, which is, by far, the state’s wackiest governing body, keeps making news. Councilwoman Robin Vaughn is the gift that keeps giving for The Trentonian, reporting about how she exploded Saturday during city officials' daily coronavirus briefing, accusing the East Ward councilman of sucking Mayor Reed Gusciora's ‘d**k.’ That comment, alone, was not enough for this councilwoman, who called the Trenton's first openly gay mayor a ‘pedophile’ during a minutes-long meltdown, the tabloid reports. Gusciora confirmed that the councilwoman threw out the homophobic slur. The mayor said Vaughn should have learned her lesson when she defended the council president’s famous “Jew-ing down” comment last September, informing everyone that it was a verb meaning to negotiate fiercely, and in no way a hateful term. Meanwhile, Vaughn is now mulling a run for mayor.
NORTH CALDWELL – Going to confession and rattling off a dozen ‘Hail Marys’ won’t spare Gov. Phil Murphy from an irate Catholic priest’s wrath. Instead of penance, the Rev. Kevin Robinson wants to drag Murphy by his earlobes into federal court, alleging the governor’s coronavirus ban on religious services violates the church’s Constitutional rights. NJ.com says the pastor’s lawsuits also claims the state crackdown caused a “verbally aggressive” borough cop to barge into St. Anthony of Padua to threaten the priest with arrest for not canceling Mass while parishioners “were cowering in the basement in fear.” Robinson says St. Anthony’s is roomy enough for his 50-person congregation to remain socially distant. He wants a federal judge to force New Jersey to resume religious services. And, maybe make Murphy pray the Rosary.
BRIEFING BREATHER
On average, America’s favorite smell is banana.
STATEWIDE – So now it seems that a lot of New Jerseyans with urgent medical conditions are staying away from hospitals because they’re afraid of contracting COVID-19 there, or they’re trying to be good citizens and not overburden the health care system. Health professionals believe many people with urgent medical conditions — even exhibiting symptoms of heart attack and stroke — are avoiding going to the hospital. NJ Spotlight shines a light on this development, which definitely falls into a self-defeating — and potentially fatal — category of behavior.
TRENTON – If we are ever going to get out of corona-world, it will require a heap of testing. NJ.com reports about a new study from Harvard University that indicates we need a heap more testing kits before we can resume life as quasi-normal. Gov. Phil Murphy is committed to doubling the number of tests by the end of the month, which is great. But the study says we need a ten-fold increase if the state has a shot at safely reopening. The state needs 75,000 tests a day, an increase of 68,000 more than we have now. The strategy is all about catching those damn hot spots before they become wildfires. The need is glaring. The challenge is which entrepreneur steps forward to fulfill the need.
KNUCKLEHEAD(S) OF THE DAY
WOODBRIDGE – Two electricians thought they deserved 1,600, N95 masks more than doctors, nurses or first-responders. So, police allege the men stole seven or eight cases of respirator masks from Prudential Financial. The Iselin firm was donating the masks to a Middlesex County hospital and kept them in a caged storage area. Authorities arrested Stephen Milligan, 54, of South Amboy last week on theft and conspiracy charges. His alleged cohort Kevin R. Brady, 49, of Point Pleasant Beach got hit with similar charges in April. Attorney General Gurbir Grewal says the duo were nabbed as part of a statewide crackdown on people “who jeopardize public health and undermine public safety.” Two Murphies. 
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PARIS – It’s sure tough to be a back-alley drug dealer these days with this ongoing lockdown. That’s why plenty of ingenuity is required in Paris, where drug dealers are using the pizza delivery guys as drug mules. A large with extra cheese may also arrive with cocaine, marijuana, ketamine and ecstasy, as cops are now being forced to examine the contents of pizza boxes as delivery guys run throughout the city from morning through night. Sometimes, the delivery guys are unwitting accomplices, as their bosses are quietly coordinating it all with the local gang. One delivery guy reached out to cops, wondering why one single order of flatbread happened to weigh 20 pounds.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1984 that Dave Kingman hit a home run. But we are still waiting for the ball to land; it got stuck in the rafters of the Metrodome in Minneapolis.
WORD OF THE DAY
Collimate – [KAH-luh-mayt] – verb
Definition: To make parallel
Example: On Saturday night, I collimated all my green socks.
WIT OF THE DAY
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.”
-John Gotti
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
“Intelligence has just reported to me that I was correct.”
- Donald J. Trump
WEATHER IN A WORD
Gorgeous