The Jaffe Briefing - January 8, 2020

TRENTON – For two years, your little local librarian has been salivating over a pot of grant money that has been sitting around Trenton. But now – two years after voters approved a ballot question allowing the state to borrow $125 million to modernize some of our crumbling libraries – the cash is finally getting doled. So, now, that humorless lady who brought you such classic terms as “Shhh!” and “No Eating!” will be formally asking the state for some of the cash to fix up her library, dust off the Dewey decimals and finally get rid of those card catalogs. Of course, the request will be made in a low, unobtrusive voice.

ON THE RAILS – Let the trumpets sound: There’s a teensy-weensy, itty-bitty modicum of relief on the horizon for NJ Transit commuters. NJ Spotlight reports that Amtrak and NJ Transit are pitching in $7 million-plus to titivate the waiting area for ticketed passengers on the 8th Avenue side of Penn Station in midtown Manhattan. They’re going to brighten up the joint and add charging outlets for mobile devices. They’re going to even add chairs too and, yup, some tables. The official word is that this will lead to less overcrowding in the station, even on the 7th Avenue side, where an overflow of NJ Transit customers congregate, often stuck sitting on the floor and quietly whimpering. All aboard at NJ Spotlight.

CAPE MAY – It probably didn’t take much thought for America’s oldest seaside resort to be selected as New Jersey’s “prettiest” town. Online foodie site, Daily Meal, just bestowed that honor on – you guessed it – Cape May. And sure, Cape May has all those quaint dining venues, Victorian homes with stuff you shouldn’t touch and clever, little boutique stores where even ashtrays seem worthy of purchase. But, one must wonder if those Daily Meal folks actually set foot in New Jersey, or if they just happened to catch a vacationer’s TikTok from Cape May. In any case, they missed such great Jersey hamlets as Spring Lake, Mendham, Colts Neck, Lambertville, Princeton, etc, etc. etc.

BREATHING BREATHER: The medical name for a butt crack is an "intergluteal cleft."

WILDWOOD – It sure smacks of more quid pro quo from President Trump, paying off New Jersey party-swapper Rep. Jeff Van Drew with a splashy Jan. 28 campaign rally at the Wildwoods Convention Center. Even this event's slogan: “Promises Made, Promises Kept” has that tit-for-tat Trump taste. The president has already endorsed our infamous Democrat-turned-Republican for his pledge of “undying support” and his anti-impeachment vote. But, what the heck, Van Drew needs all the help he can get with four Democrats now lining up to oust him, including Montclair State poli-sci professor Brigid Harrison and Amy Kennedy, wife of former Rhode Island Rep. Patrick Kennedy. Meanwhile, Wildwood’s winter police force braces for this Presidential infomercial, with all the challenges and costs that come with it. #Winning

PATERSON – Was a homeless woman really trapped for days inside a clothing donation bin? Or did she misuse it as a shelter from the cold? Those are the question left dangling after firefighters rescued a 38-year-old woman, claiming to be trapped for three days inside a bin behind a Broadway apartment building. She says somebody pushed her in, while she foraged for some warm new duds. Firefighters pried open the bin on Monday after passersbys heard her cries for help. But, Police Director Jerry Speziale tells the Daily Voice that this is the third time in two years this same woman has gotten stuck inside and rescued from donation boxes. Whatever the case, here’s hoping she gets some help.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

KODAK, TN. – If you truly love flannel, fishing and guns – as well as your fiancé – then here’s the perfect wedding venue for you. According to Facebook, two Bass Pro customers, named Lonnie and Pam Harris, exchanged vows in front of a large aquarium in the store’s trophy fish section. “Here at Bass Pro, we will sell you a boat, a gun, even some clothes. Shoot, you might as well even get married here,” the post said. All great, except for the poor guy sitting on a nearby bench, apparently waiting for his wife to get out of the bathroom, caught in all the wedding photos.

YOUR SHIRT – You’ve all see the crocodile logos on the Lacoste polo shirts.  But the company is now launching apparel with a whole bunch of other animals, a clever way to raise awareness about the rapid extinction of some species. So, the next time you head to the mall in search of a shirt in a new shade of blue, check out Lacoste. You could leave the proud owner of a shirt featuring, perhaps, a California condor, the Sumatran tiger, the Anegada ground iguana or the Burmese roofed turtle. It’s all a pretty big deal for Lacoste, which hasn’t changed its green croc since its debut 85 years ago. The company had one requirement: all logos must be printed in the same spot as the croc, with the same green embroidery thread, and all exactly the same size. 

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1656 that the oldest surviving newspaper, the Haarlems Dagblad, published its first edition in Haarlem, Netherlands. And who thought newspapers wouldn’t last?

WORD OF THE DAY

WIT OF THE DAY

TODAY'S TRUMPISM

WEATHER IN A WORD

Gusty

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