The Jaffe Briefing - January 31, 2019
BEDMINSTER - An illegal immigrant fired from the Trump National Golf Club will perhaps have a tearful reunion with her old boss at the State of the Union address. Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman has invited Guatemala native Victorina Morales to be her special guest for the President's address, "so he may look her in her eyes to tell his lies to a familiar face." Morales, who is about to be kicked out of the country, was a housekeeper at Trump golf club since 2013 and claims its managers got her fake documents for employment. Coleman tells the Washington Post she hopes President Trump finally sees "the real face of immigrants ... women and children fleeing violence, law-abiding, tax-paying people who would do almost anything to be Americans." And that includes folding the Presidential underwear and spit-shining that golden toilet.
MAYS LANDING - Nothing is off-limits, apparently, when you are getting your smartphone serviced. A local woman is now suing T-Mobile, after employees were checking out a video of her and her fiancée showing some love. NJ.com reports the customer dropped off her phone on Nov. 18 and then started poking around the store for a new iPhone model. But she left her AirPods in her ears, and quickly started hearing some weird background sounds. She went back to the counter, where two employees were huddling around her phone, laughing their heads off. Yet these guys are also going to get a $15 minimum wage.
STATEWIDE - New Jerseyans, like good folks across the country, are a bit too fond of sugary drinks. It's no secret that a sweet tooth can be a real Hawaiian Punch to the gut, with obesity and diabetes - a particular problem in poor communities. But a recent initiative - NJ Sugarfreed - is curbing cravings among low-income, black, and Hispanic families. The initial program targeted Passaic and its environs, relying on social media, grassroots organizers, and community outreach to get the job done. Now it's being rolled out statewide. So, rather than Mountain Dew for breakfast, perhaps a nice glass of actual juice? Read more in today's NJ Spotlight.
PALISADES PARK - No haircuts? No shaves? No problem! But, a Broad Avenue barber now faces up to a decade in prison for doing some unlicensed laser surgery on a woman when his business got slow. Bergen County prosecutor's detectives arrested the 72-year-old barber whose botched laser job left a woman's face badly scarred, The Record says. The barber, a Rochelle Park man who only has a state license to snip hair and give buzz cuts, is accused of aggravated assault and the unlicensed practice of medicine. He gets arraigned today in Superior Court.
BUENA - Now we know the varsity soccer coach gets a kick from something other than the game. The 26-year-old high school coach, with dreams of being a State Police trooper, was busted on charges of possessing a ton of weed. NJ 101.5 reports the coach and a, er, business partner were spotted in a parking lot in Malaga on Jan. 22. Cops searched cars, and then the coach's pad in Hammonton, turning up a grand total of six pounds of marijuana, two pounds of edibles and $10,000. That's an obvious red card for the coach. This coach, who played soccer for Rutgers-Camden and studied criminal justice, will soon be getting some real-life experience in his preferred topic of study.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ASBURY PARK - Thomas Paine didn't have a website, but school kids are still required to read his journalistic pamphlet "Common Sense." Joseph Pulitzer didn't have a website, yet the New York World flourished and one particularly big journalism prize is now named after him. And, now, Dan Jacobsen doesn't have a website, yet the triCity News is flourishing in Monmouth County, marking its 20th anniversary this week. Hmm. News 12 New Jersey reports on this modern-day oddity, as this local paper goes old school and proudly forgoes the digital age. Jacobsen is even selling full-page ads, with free papers located at 200 locations in Asbury Park, Long Branch and Red Bank. Heck, his newspaper office is even on Bangs Avenue in downtown Asbury Park, in a town he actually covers, rather than in some random office park or "virtual." Could newspapers be the future?
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PARKER, S.D. - Yeah, it's damn freaky. But no kid in a local school district will ever forget that school is closing because of the frigid weather, topping out at minus 3 degrees. The school district is using a talking hot dog on its Facebook page, cleverly named "Mr. Hot Dog." He says: "I'm a hot dog! I need some heat! I'm not a cold dog! ... You cannot have school! It's too cold outside." Mr. Hot Dog - complete with wild eyes, teeth, a bun and mustard - says he spoke with the school superintendent, who confirmed that, "Yes, Mr. Hot Dog, school is closed," the Argus Leader reports. Mr. Hot Dog suggests students stay indoors, watch Netflix or bake a cake, but "No Fortnite!" Yeah, good luck there, Mr. Hot Dog.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was on this day in 1990 that the first McDonald's opened in Russia, in Moscow, featuring a Big Mac.... But no spoon for the McBorscht, comrade?
WORD OF THE DAY
Farouche - [fə-ROOSH] - adjective
Definition: Unruly or disorderly; wild
Example: My natural mode as a writer is to be fastidious rather than farouche, but I still show some nice extravagance.
WIT OF THE DAY
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"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
- Homer Simspon
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WEATHER IN A WORD
Brutal
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun