The Jaffe Briefing - January 8, 2019
MARLTON - New Jersey doesn't need DPW crews; it needs goats. A local farmer is collecting her neighbors' discarded Christmas trees and feeding them to her pack of 12 hungry goats. Philly.com thinks this woman may have struck gold. Why should we all have to pay to haul away our holiday trees - and hope they get recycled - when all we need is just a fence and a goat? Last Christmas, this farmer was able to dispose of 50 Christmas trees, thanks to her gobbling goats, who can strip down a 14-foot tree in about three hours of munching, not mulching. She's happy to take your tree next year. Just no tinsel or hooks, ok?
TRENTON - Hint: Always go for state money. But, this cash-strapped city didn't bother to apply for its fair share of the state DEP's latest recycling grants, missing out on $30,000 or more. Trenton is the largest of nine New Jersey towns not getting tonnage grants from the state's $14.3 million pot. The Trentonian says former Mayor Eric Jackson's administration also failed to apply for a few years. A spokesman for Mayor Reed Gusciora says city officials did not think Trenton was eligible for the grant because it pays Mercer County nearly $1 million to collect its recyclables. Oops. Not so, says the state. Hint #2: Always read the fine print buried on page 37 of the grant application.
ON THE WATER - It's no hyperbole to say New Jersey is drowning in plastic. A new study from a watershed watchdog reveals that micro-plastic pollution has been found along a 23-mile stretch of the headwaters of the Raritan River. The nearly invisible plastic particles were found in higher concentrations downstream of wastewater treatment plants, but were present at all 10 sampling sites, NJ Spotlightreports. Plastic pollution poses a risk to freshwater marine life and drinking water. This report will undoubtedly add some urgency to the state's push to ban single-use plastic bags. Why? The Raritan River Basin provides drinking water to 1.5 million people in New Jersey. Read more in NJ Spotlight.
STATEWIDE - If you are one of those super-proactive people who quickly file your taxes, and get yourself a tidy refund, think again. With this ongoing federal shutdown, the IRS is only working with 12.5 percent of its workforce. We're talking just 9,946 workers, out of a workforce of 80,000 employees, who are tasked with processing returns, ignoring ringing phones and cashing payments on behalf of a nation with 325 million people. Trust us; none of these workers will be wasting time processing your refund. This is a mess. Remember the massive changes to the federal tax system enacted last year? And imagine all those taxpayer questions now being left unanswered during the agency's busiest time of the year? It all doesn't really matter, a deflated IRS notes. Yet tax day remains April 15.
STATEWIDE - Well, at least you can quickly get your state refund, right?Well, um, no. Even though, thankfully, there is no state shutdown, don't expect your state income tax refund before March 1, even if you have already filed. The state needs time to implement its latest anti-fraud measures, like it does every year, NJ 101.5 reports. So, it looks like early birds are going to sit and wait, no matter how collated and color-coded all those receipts may be.
SUSSEX - Bad bus driving is an age-old tradition in the New Jersey schools, with a steady stream of stories about drivers forgetting kids, dropping them at the wrong school, getting hopelessly lost in a cul-de-sac or hitting the bottle before going on routes. Of course, all these incidents, when discovered, receive some well-deserved news coverage. And that's why NJ.com is all over the story of a contracted driver for High Point Regional High School caught on camera having a video phone chat while driving a lone student on Thursday. That student caught the driver on a 90-second video, which quickly got to authorities, who then quickly got to the driver, who was barred from future rides.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
CENTRE, Ala. - There's apparently no "five-second rule" in rural Alabama.A local sheriff's office is ordering the local hicks to stop eating chicken tenders that tumbled on to a rural highway after a truck wreck. An 18-wheeler crashed on Alabama 35 on Sunday, spilling all these boxes of food. This chicken tender fender bender prompted motorists to pull over, turn on their flashlights and pick up the fast-decaying food, creating an awful traffic hazard and forcing county officials to post notices on Facebook, pleading with people to stop, finally, picking up the chicken. But, dang, where's that honey mustard truck when you need it?
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was on this day in 2015 that Frederick County Councilman Kirby Delauter became the butt of every journalism joke after threatening to sue the Frederick News-Post if the newspaper dared to use his name without permission. The public official posted on Facebook: "Use my name again unauthorized and you'll be paying for an attorney. Your rights stop where mine start."
The newspaper, easily citing its First Amendment rights, responded with the perfect editorial, titled "Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter, Kirby Delauter," in which the writer uses the councilman's name "unauthorized" 25 times. As an added bonus, the first letter of each paragraph spelled out Delauter's name. Meanwhile, hashtag #kirbydelauteris trended on Twitter.
WORD OF THE DAY
Xylography - [zye-LAW-grə-fee] - noun
Definition: The art of making engravings on wood especially for printing
Example: Because of all the jobs that President Trump is bringing back to America, I am polishing up on my xylography.
WIT OF THE DAY
"An entrepreneur is someone who jumps off a cliff and builds a plane on the way down."
- Reid Hoffman
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WEATHER IN A WORD
Icky
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun