The Jaffe Briefing - October 23, 2019
HOBOKEN - Don't be shrill. Don't confront men directly. Don't wear form-fitting clothes, and don't even think of parading around in a short skirt. No, this is not a secretarial training manual from, say, 1950. Apparently, according to the HuffPo, this was actual advice provided to 30 female executives at Ernst & Young during a training session last June in Hoboken. Apparently, according to the news report, attendees learned that "sexuality scrambles the mind.” Women shouldn't look sexy, but should certainly be healthy and fit, with a suggested “good haircut” and “manicured nails.” Get this: According to the 55-page presentation, HuffPo says, attendees learned that women’s brains absorb information like pancakes soaked in syrup; that's why it’s hard for them to focus. Men’s brains are more like waffles. They’re better able to focus because the information collects in each little waffle square.
TRENTON – There have been bare-knuckle battles among Statehouse politicians for months now — notably Democrats in the Legislature and their fellow Democrat Gov. Phil Murphy — over New Jersey’s tarnished business-development tax incentives. But here’s a bit of good news: Apparently, the state is on the hook for only about $9 billion for the tax breaks, according to NJ Spotlight, not the $11 billion the governor had been fuming about. Great news, uh, right?
CHERRY HILL – The ongoing controversial school lunch “shaming” policy has now entered the Presidential debate, with Sen. Elizabeth Warren seeing it as an easy piñata to smack around. She hit Twitter – as it seems all political candidates do these days – to call this school board’s policy “cruel and punitive.” On Twitter, Warren grossly oversimplified the debate, offering this non-controversial generalization: “Every kid needs and deserves a nutritious meal in order to learn at school.” Gotcha. She, too, apparently is appalled that students with lunch debts of $40 or more are banned from certain extra-curricular activities, like prom, class trips or buying a yearbook. So, how would Warren actually solve the issue, as President and all?
NEWARK – For true-blue Rangers nut Jimmy Fallon, it's literally a pie-in-the-face moment after losing a friendly wager with the New Jersey Devils mascot. The official NJ Devil bet Fallon via Twitter that if the Devils beat their Cross-Hudson rivals last Thursday, the mustached mascot would go on “The Tonight Show" and hit the host in the face with a pie. NJ Devil was so confident, the Devils released a video of him warming up his throwing arm. After the Devils' 5-2 miraculous win, you could say that Fallon is going to get his just desserts - right in the face.
DENVILLE – US News and World Report is out with its latest college rankings and – yeah, yeah – Princeton is really terrific, again. Yawn. What is of real interest is the enrollment numbers for the absolute smallest college in the state. And what is that? It’s the Assumption College for Sisters, with a total enrollment of 47 full- and part-time students. Some fun facts: The student-faculty ratio is 9-to-1, meaning there must be around six teachers or so. Nine percent of the student body is actually male, who must be thrilled to be attending the Assumption College for Sisters. Also, the school admits anyone, likely why enrollment is so darn high. The two-year college also sits in a convent at Morris Catholic High School, adding to the on-campus fun and frolic.
PISCATAWAY – Hmm, this new toothpaste tastes similar; just can’t put my finger on why. Well, now you can, as a former Colgate-Palmolive worker has admitted in court to stealing the company’s toothpaste formulas and using them to set up his own business. Muamer Reci, 57, of Wanaque, admitted to it all in court and is now looking at 20 years in jail, NJ.com reports. This sneaky employee set up “Reci Enterprises” in Macedonia with plans to develop, manufacture and sell a toothpaste named “Eurodent.” Among the stolen formulas were those for a dry mouth toothpaste that hadn’t launched as well as a children’s toothpaste that Colgate was already selling. Curious if federal prisoners are offered Eurodent.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
DADE CITY, FL. – Stop calling 911. That’s the message from the Pasco County Sheriff’s Department, after a local man kept dialing in to complain about a roommate who “stole his weed,” the Orlando Sentinel reported. Police went to Twitter, posting a video of a deputy sheriff saying, “The guy’s calling in saying his roommate stole his weed, $20 worth and he’s upset and he keeps calling 911, so I had to give him a call and tell him to stop calling about his weed.” The sheriff’s office later posted, “I called him to let him know not to call the sheriff’s office to report his drugs. He started to freak out a little on the phone, and then hung up on me shortly after.” For what it’s worth, marijuana is illegal in Florida.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1984 that NBC aired footage of a famine in Ethiopia, prompting many viewers to put down the second bag of jumbo Doritos.
WORD OF THE DAY
WIT OF THE DAY
TODAY'S TRUMPISM
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sweet
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
