The Jaffe Briefing - August 22, 2019

The Jaffe Briefing will be on vacation Monday, August 26, returning Tuesday, Sept. 3

STATEWIDE – Ya kiddin’ me? Hard to believe that some stupid survey, developed by dribbling nincompoops, categorizes people in New Jersey as unfriendly. Now where did those idiots come up with that? A group nobody ever heard of, Big 7 Travel, ranks New Jersey as the fifth-least friendly state, based on an alleged social audience of 1.5 million people who were asked: “What are the friendliest states in America?" Those bozos declared Minnesota the most-friendly place. (Also the most boring, if you want to know the truth.) Meanwhile, the dumb-ass respondents to the survey deemed Jersey as rude. (What??) They claim we have “in-your-face personalities." (Oh, Yeah? I’ll show you an “in-the-face personality.”) But, at least we were deemed friendlier than New Yorkers. At least that makes some sense. They’ll stab you for lunch meat over there.

PATERSON – And speaking of bozos, four Paterson men have been accused of stealing $450,000 in checks out of people’s mailboxes. What makes them even stupider is that much of the stolen loot was deposited into their own bank accounts. It did not take super-sleuths to find the identity of the four men who broke into mail collection boxes in Passaic, Bergen, Morris and Middlesex counties, leaving a trail of glaring evidence that ultimately culminated with deposited funds in their own names. NJ.com notes that one of the men is still at-large. Let’s assume he is texting his girlfriend at this moment with his exact whereabouts, while punching his passcode of “1234” into an ATM, as the security cameras roll.

STATEWIDE – In New Jersey, we love all our lawyers. And why wouldn’t we? Yet apparently we are all lawsuit crazy, says the American Tort Reform Foundation, describing our state as the seventh biggest “Judicial Hellhole” in the nation. See (JudicialHellholes.org) And smiling lawyers on Turnpike billboards are not the only ones to blame for all the litigation. The foundation directly blames the state Legislature, deeming it the most plaintiff-friendly governing body in the nation. With our mountains of state legislation, its all just begging for lawsuit after lawsuit, resulting in “shake-down settlements” by desperate defendants eager for frivolous lawsuits to go away, NJ 101.5reports. New Jersey: Home to Jackpot Justice.

NEWARK – You can bet the TSA agents at Newark Airport can’t wait until the end of the summer tourism season, as it seems like passengers keep finding new and interesting things to sneak by checkpoints. Two ridiculous items this week: A dagger hidden in a walking stick and a 15-foot snake, NJ 101.5 reports. That’s on top of some other recent items detected, like a handgun, a concealed knife, a fake grenade and a fake bomb. And that’s on top of the things that people always forget to collect at the scanner, like keys, sunglasses, ID, hats, gloves, pocket change, wallets, a mother-in-law, etc. 

EAST GREENWICH TOWNSHIP – Take out your checkbooks, folks, it’s time to donate. A gunman remains on the loose, with the reward money steadily growing to nearly $3,000, as all the townsfolk try to find who shot a beloved wild peacock, named Popeye. The bird was struck by a .22 caliber bullet, shattering his leg and requiring him to be euthanized last week. NJ.com reports Popeye was a real fixture in town for about 10 years. At one point, a resident secured him a female peacock, in the hopes of making a bunch of little peacocks. But they didn’t really hit it off. Popeye was also the subject of a book written by a local boy, as he would regularly roost from house to house and got to know plenty of people. If the shooter is never found, the money will be donated to the Saint Francis Veterinary Center in Woolrich.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

FAIRFIELD, CT – Hey, when the senior center is closed for the night, what (or who) is left to do? In Fairfield, it appears that retirees hit the Grace Richardson Conservation Area, where cops busted seniors as old as 85 for having sex in the open. The NY Post reports that six AARP card-carriers were arrested and charged with breach of peace and public indecency, following an eye-popping surveillance job by the Fairfield P.D. on Aug. 9. Typically, we don’t run the names of suspects. But we assume this group would be darn proud: Daniel Dobbins, 67; Otto D. Williams, 62; Charles L. Ardito, 75; John Linartz, 62; Richard Butler, 82 and his wife Joyce, 85. 69, apparently, is the new 65.

BROOKLYN – The two most powerful lawmakers in the state are now embroiled in a public war over a closed pizzeria on Avenue J. Unclear how a local tax issue has risen to the front burner in Albany, but the place has been shuttered because it owes $167,000 in state taxes. Mayor Bill de Blasio is trying to figure a way to cough up the dough for Di Fara Pizza, prompting a saucy response from Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who told the NY Post that the mayor has no authority to forgive state taxes, but can certainly pay the tax bill himself. Meanwhile, de Blasio hit Twitter, saying the joint “MUST be saved” and “I’m ready to do anything I can to get them reopened.” It’s sure getting hot in this oven.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1988 that the largest house in Long Island – with 130 rooms – sells for $22 million. The search immediately commences for all those missing cleaning ladies.

WORD OF THE DAY

The Jaffe Briefing will be on vacation Monday, August 26, returning Tuesday, Sept. 3

STATEWIDE – Ya kiddin’ me? Hard to believe that some stupid survey, developed by dribbling nincompoops, categorizes people in New Jersey as unfriendly. Now where did those idiots come up with that? A group nobody ever heard of, Big 7 Travel, ranks New Jersey as the fifth-least friendly state, based on an alleged social audience of 1.5 million people who were asked: “What are the friendliest states in America?" Those bozos declared Minnesota the most-friendly place. (Also the most boring, if you want to know the truth.) Meanwhile, the dumb-ass respondents to the survey deemed Jersey as rude. (What??) They claim we have “in-your-face personalities." (Oh, Yeah? I’ll show you an “in-the-face personality.”) But, at least we were deemed friendlier than New Yorkers. At least that makes some sense. They’ll stab you for lunch meat over there.

PATERSON – And speaking of bozos, four Paterson men have been accused of stealing $450,000 in checks out of people’s mailboxes. What makes them even stupider is that much of the stolen loot was deposited into their own bank accounts. It did not take super-sleuths to find the identity of the four men who broke into mail collection boxes in Passaic, Bergen, Morris and Middlesex counties, leaving a trail of glaring evidence that ultimately culminated with deposited funds in their own names. NJ.com notes that one of the men is still at-large. Let’s assume he is texting his girlfriend at this moment with his exact whereabouts, while punching his passcode of “1234” into an ATM, as the security cameras roll.

STATEWIDE – In New Jersey, we love all our lawyers. And why wouldn’t we? Yet apparently we are all lawsuit crazy, says the American Tort Reform Foundation, describing our state as the seventh biggest “Judicial Hellhole” in the nation. See (JudicialHellholes.org) And smiling lawyers on Turnpike billboards are not the only ones to blame for all the litigation. The foundation directly blames the state Legislature, deeming it the most plaintiff-friendly governing body in the nation. With our mountains of state legislation, its all just begging for lawsuit after lawsuit, resulting in “shake-down settlements” by desperate defendants eager for frivolous lawsuits to go away, NJ 101.5reports. New Jersey: Home to Jackpot Justice.

NEWARK – You can bet the TSA agents at Newark Airport can’t wait until the end of the summer tourism season, as it seems like passengers keep finding new and interesting things to sneak by checkpoints. Two ridiculous items this week: A dagger hidden in a walking stick and a 15-foot snake, NJ 101.5 reports. That’s on top of some other recent items detected, like a handgun, a concealed knife, a fake grenade and a fake bomb. And that’s on top of the things that people always forget to collect at the scanner, like keys, sunglasses, ID, hats, gloves, pocket change, wallets, a mother-in-law, etc. 

EAST GREENWICH TOWNSHIP – Take out your checkbooks, folks, it’s time to donate. A gunman remains on the loose, with the reward money steadily growing to nearly $3,000, as all the townsfolk try to find who shot a beloved wild peacock, named Popeye. The bird was struck by a .22 caliber bullet, shattering his leg and requiring him to be euthanized last week. NJ.com reports Popeye was a real fixture in town for about 10 years. At one point, a resident secured him a female peacock, in the hopes of making a bunch of little peacocks. But they didn’t really hit it off. Popeye was also the subject of a book written by a local boy, as he would regularly roost from house to house and got to know plenty of people. If the shooter is never found, the money will be donated to the Saint Francis Veterinary Center in Woolrich.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

FAIRFIELD, CT – Hey, when the senior center is closed for the night, what (or who) is left to do? In Fairfield, it appears that retirees hit the Grace Richardson Conservation Area, where cops busted seniors as old as 85 for having sex in the open. The NY Post reports that six AARP card-carriers were arrested and charged with breach of peace and public indecency, following an eye-popping surveillance job by the Fairfield P.D. on Aug. 9. Typically, we don’t run the names of suspects. But we assume this group would be darn proud: Daniel Dobbins, 67; Otto D. Williams, 62; Charles L. Ardito, 75; John Linartz, 62; Richard Butler, 82 and his wife Joyce, 85. 69, apparently, is the new 65.

BROOKLYN – The two most powerful lawmakers in the state are now embroiled in a public war over a closed pizzeria on Avenue J. Unclear how a local tax issue has risen to the front burner in Albany, but the place has been shuttered because it owes $167,000 in state taxes. Mayor Bill de Blasio is trying to figure a way to cough up the dough for Di Fara Pizza, prompting a saucy response from Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who told the NY Post that the mayor has no authority to forgive state taxes, but can certainly pay the tax bill himself. Meanwhile, de Blasio hit Twitter, saying the joint “MUST be saved” and “I’m ready to do anything I can to get them reopened.” It’s sure getting hot in this oven.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 1988 that the largest house in Long Island – with 130 rooms – sells for $22 million. The search immediately commences for all those missing cleaning ladies.

WORD OF THE DAY