The Jaffe Briefing - May 30, 2019
HILLSBOROUGH - Someone has some explaining to do. Because it makes absolutely no sense as to why a group of special needs students and their guests were forced to leave the Hillsborough High School Senior Prom nearly an hour early, despite all their objections. This was the ideal, shining moment for these kids, who have spent most of their adolescence on the fringe, on the outs, ignored and invisible. Yet finally, for this one magical night on May 17, they were to be treated just like everyone else. But, for some maddening reason, they were told they had to leave early. They missed the last dance. They missed the naming of the Prom King and Prom Queen. Some wept, while security was dispatched on one angry boy. And once again, these nine individuals with developmental disabilities were made to feel different. School officials, feeling the heat of an enraged community, vow to look into concerns "very seriously." Yeah. Whatever. High school is not forever, but stupidity sure is.
JERSEY SHORE - There doesn't yet seem to be buzz about a low-budgetkiller shark flick for the summer of 2019, but it looks like the Jersey Shore already has plenty of the real-life version. No, these sharks have no intention of eating you and all your loved ones, as the plot of some bizarre sequel to some bizarre sequel. But Rutgers marine science experts say there are a number of sharks swimming around our shores at the moment, as they migrate up to the colder waters, with plans to dine on plenty of seals. So, they are quietly passing through, with hopes that you don't point from the boardwalk and yell "Sharknado!"
FANWOOD - The bloodbath known as the Fanwood Democratic Primary got even more dramatic, if that's possible, with a missive from Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman. She is supporting Column B, aligned with Fanwood Mayor Colleen Mahr, although her mug is plastered on a campaign flier for Column A, which makes it appear as if she supports the team aligned with the almighty Union County Democrats, reports TAPInto Scotch Plains-Fanwood. Says the congresswoman's spokesperson: "This flier looks like Bonnie endorsed them, but in Fanwood, we support Mayor Mahr. We've been very clear." Adding to the drama is that the flier was sent by the "Fanwood First Democrats" using the home address of Freeholder Al Mirabella, who is in this local Democratic power struggle with Mahr. It's all titillating for political insiders. Typical residents should also care because it looks as if someone is peeking under the mysterious veil of Union County government, where you are often not invited.
ATLANTIC CITY - The Miss America pageant is switching networks, but still doesn't have a home for future broadcasts, NJ.com reports. You may recall (or not) that Atlantic City has given the pageant the swift boot from Boardwalk Hall, saying it is just too darn expensive to accommodate a modern production in this 90-year-old structure. Pageant officials - always with a smile and a wave - say they are thrilled beyond belief that the show is moving from ABC to NBC, which it last did in 1996. But they are desperate for a host city - be it Atlantic City or somewhere else - and are hoping you will finally consider renting out your backyard for "just a couple days or so."
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
WARSAW - Some Polish activists are having a cow, demanding that a herd of about 180 free-roaming cows be saved from the slaughterhouse. The cows, wandering the fields in the western municipality of Deszczno for years and breeding whenever they darn well feel like it, are now officially deemed a "public health hazard." The cows need to be "cleaned up," vows the country's agriculture minister. That slaughter would cost 350,000 złotych, which everyone knows is worth around $91,000. Animal activists say this is all very cruel. Perhaps the cows can be purchased as pets, offering a lifetime supply of fresh milk and moo.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was on this day in 1884 that Mama Kellogg was a wee bit disappointed when her son, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, didn't cure polio. But he did patent a flaked cereal that is still Grr-reat!
WORD OF THE DAY
Woebegone - [WOH-bə-gahn] - adjective
Definition: Sad or miserable in appearance
Example: With all these storms, and just patchy sun, I have a woebegone look.
WIT OF THE DAY
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"Life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with."
- Ellen DeGeneres
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WEATHER IN A WORD
Storms
THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun
