The Jaffe Briefing - April 18, 2018
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
PATERSON - At campaign rallies, why not just cut to the chase? That's what's happening in the Silk City, where a local social media celebrity was handing out $20 bills to would-be voters at a rally on Sunday for mayoral contender Pedro Rodriguez. Our favorite entertainer of all time, Fatboy SSE, had a thick wad of cash, which he was passing out with aplomb. The Paterson Pressasked the mayoral candidate about the cash rewards. "It's part of his act," Rodriguez explained. "It's something he has done many times." Oh, then it's clearly ok. Yet other mayoral candidates are vowing to file complaints with election authorities.
HADDON TOWNSHIP - It's unclear if local flags will be ordered at half-mast, but many in the community are mourning the loss of a "therapy hen" known as "Rosebud," the Courier Post reports. The hen, who died in her sleep over the weekend, is being remembered for tireless work over the years, visiting schools, assisted-living facilities, day care centers and farmers' markets, logging more than 1,000 miles on those itty-bitty feet. Of course, some bird-brains find this story less than newsworthy, but dozens of people have expressed their sympathy on social media and thank Rosebud for her service. The eggs were good, too.
SOMERVILLE - Parking is now such a nightmare near the MVC office that the newly-appointed state Director Brenda "Sue" Fulton wants to see for herself. She's coming this Saturday morning at the request of exasperated town officials who say each Tuesday night and Saturday morning, visitors to the MVC's Roosevelt Place office clog nearby streets, block people's driveways and even park on front lawns. Things get really dicey at the end of each month as motorists scramble to renew licenses and registrations. TAPinto Somerville says cops wrote more than 70 tickets in March for illegally parked cars. Hopefully, Fulton can find a convenient sidewalk on which to park.
NEWARK - Wonder why those Little Debbie Swiss Rolls taste so darn good? It's probably not the cream, but the drugs. Federal officials announced yesterday that they had intercepted a box of Swiss Rolls that arrived on location in Edison in 2015, part of an investigation into an MS-13 gang member who admitted to arranging a shipment of heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine and other goodies inside those delicious swirls. The gang member admitted to arranging the drug shipment while serving time in a California prison, NJ.com reports. Not surprised, as Little Debbie can be somewhat addictive.
AT THE POLLS - "ZZZZ" best describes Tuesday's sleepy voter turnout for the 13 school districts that still hold April elections. The state's other school districts have switched to November elections, in a desperate effort to engage the electorate. TAPInto New Brunswick notes, with a grimace, that the voter turnout was less than 4 percent in the Hub City, the lowest of yesterday's low turnout, for a school district that runs on more than $200 million. Kudos, sort of, to Weehawken and North Bergen, somehow able to convince nearly 13 percent of voters to show up. Perhaps there were free Little Debbie Swiss Rolls.
IN THE MEDIA
STATEWIDE - There's still plenty of chatter about the bold op-edappearing in the Sunday Star-Ledger, courtesy of the governor of Texas. No, Republican Greg Abbott was not writing to boost New Jersey and talk about all the ways the states are working together to help everyone. Rather, the op-ed was a blatant effort to steal the best and brightest of New Jersey, luring them to the low-tax, high-hat state with endless available land and apparently a booming economy. Of course, the Republican took some not-to-nice swipes at Democrat Phil Murphy's proposals to raises state taxes even further, adding he wants to "thrown a lifeline to businesses and families throughout New Jersey." We look forward to Murphy writing a blistering response for the Dallas Morning News, with hope he has at least a couple decent talking points as to why Texans should leave their cheap mansions and move to, say, Trenton.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
CHENGDU, CHINA - A Chinese man "accidentally" swallowed a lighter 20 years ago. But that isn't the weirdest part of the story. Over those two decades, he complained of stomach aches and bloody stool, but, hmmm, couldn't figure why. Finally, he went to the doctor, a medical genius who figured out that, hey, the problem might be that Bic lodged in your gut for two decades. Surgeons put the guy under the knife, but couldn't easily wedge out the lighter, UPI reported Monday. So they went in for a second surgery with a new strategy and - voila! - mission accomplished. Now keep away away from Tiki torches, doctor's orders.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1991 that the U.S. Census Bureau said "Uh, Whoops?" It somehow forgot to count 63 million Americans in the 1990 Census. It's sort of unforgivable, as, census takers have Just. One. Job.
WORD OF THE DAY
Onomatopoeia - [ah-nə-mah-tə-PEE-ə] - noun
Definition: The naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it (i.e., buzz, hiss)
Example: No one was better at onomatopoeia than 1960s-era Batman.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Sunshine!