The Jaffe Briefing - March 23, 2018
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
TRENTON - It's good to live in a state where the NRA is about as reviled as the act of putting peanut butter on a bagel. That's why we aren't worried about a NRA "alert" to members, urging them to contact Assembly members to vote "No" on a host of bills up Monday in Trenton. That includes sensible legislation that would limit magazine capacity, allow for public health professionals to suspend gun use, and require background checks on all private firearm transfers. Sounds good, particularly in this national climate, right? The NRA doesn't think so, saying these bills represent "another way to suspend and/or revoke someone's constitutional rights," while calling New Jersey "an extreme outlier." Yeah, OK, we're crazy. Yet we aren't the ones running around with military-grade weapons, yelling at people who think that's dangerous.
NEWARK - After decades of low pay, terrible hours and no real chance for a decent career, minimum-wage workers at Newark Liberty International Airport are savoring an immense victory. These employees - the invisible masses who clean airplanes, move baggage and sell overpriced water - are finally getting raises. The hourly minimum wage will steadily rise from $10.45 an hour to $19 an hour by 2023 for thousands of people who have been straddling the poverty line. Of course, somehow, airline passengers will be paying for all this, but these raises are long overdue for menial jobs that many of us would run from.
TRENTON - State lawmakers are working to greatly broaden the medical marijuana program, as the Assembly Health Committee is pushing legislation that would boost the number of dispensaries from six to 40. There would also be double the amount of growing locations to 12, and patients would be able to buy four ounces a month, as opposed to two. Also, any doctor could prescribe the pot for any reason, and patients would no longer need to pay a silly $200 registration fee. This is another huge step forward in the march toward full legalization in the state, as marijuana just seems to be getting easier and easier to find in New Jersey.
SEASIDE PARK - And with one quick, stupid move, a local cop could lose his $113,000-a-year job. A police sergeant who works with police recruits is accused of pointing his gun at the head of one of the trainees inside the Seaside Park municipal building, Gannett reports. The recruit was filling out paperwork in November 2016, applying to the Ocean County Police Academy, when this dumb incident - straight out of Police Academy VI - allegedly took place. There were plenty of witnesses, which doesn't bode well for this cop who is suspended without pay and facing aggravated assault charges.
MADISON - When former VP Joe Biden heads to Madison next week, it is another ideal opportunity to talk about how he could beat up the President of the United States, in what would make for must-see Pay-Per-View. "Battlin'" Biden declared he would have "beat the hell" out of "Draft-Dodgin" Donald in high school. The President, never one to ignore obvious things to ignore, responded that Biden would "go down hard and fast," in this fictional battle of geriatrics with hair plugs. Biden will be at Drew University on Wednesday, speaking to a crowd of 2,800 fans, perhaps about the superiority of his uppercut.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
WEST MANCHESTER TOWNSHIP, PA - Nothing says romance more than fertilizer and potting soil. And that is why two employees of the local Walmart thought the garden center was the ideal place to tie the knot, among friends and co-workers, on Saturday. Originally, they planned to wed elsewhere, but noticed many of their pals from work couldn't make it, as the Walmart is a 24-hour operation, the York Daily News reports. So, for just a little while, everyone removed their name tags and blue smocks, and hustled over to Aisle 57 to hear the vows, as the nuptials pledged a lifetime of love in front of a display for Blue Rhino propane. An added benefit: When you get married in a garden center, there's no need to hire a florist.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
There was hope for all of us on this day in 1985, when the short, average-looking guy lands the supermodel. Everyone celebrated the wedding of Billy Joel to Christie Brinkley.
WORD OF THE DAY
Never-Never Land - [nev-er-NEV-er-LAND] - adjective
Definition: An ideal or imaginary place
Example: Do we really need to give you an example of Never-Never Land?
WEATHER IN A WORD
Melting