The Jaffe Briefing - March 7, 2018
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
STATEWIDE - Well, everything is closed. But the briefing must go on!
CENTRAL JERSEY - You are sitting at home; your kids demanding the third hot chocolate of the morning. But where's all that damn snow? Sit tight, says the National Weather Service, because it's coming. The heaviest stuff is expected to begin falling later this morning, into the afternoon and night, and as heavy as two to three inches per hour. Good news for people from Central Jersey, continually arguing that "Central Jersey" proudly exists. The weatherman is demarcating North Jersey as "above Route 78" and Central Jersey as "above I-195." If this latest nor'easter teaches us anything, it's that Central Jersey is actually a place.
STATEWIDE - So, the governor has declared "a state of emergency" for New Jersey. But, what exactly does it mean? Should we be diving into our underground bunkers and preparing to live on Spam for six months? The Bergen Record provides some much-needed clarity, explaining the governor's declaration opens up state resources to help towns deal with the mess. The state can mobilize the National Guard and all the fancy federal assets, like high-wheeled vehicles, generators and ready-to-eat meals that we can only assume are absolutely delicious. But there are no travel bans, good news for pizza delivery.
NORTH JERSEY - It is a brutal morning for JCP&L, likely receiving a barrage of calls from nervous customers who are still without power from last week's storm. As the snow begins to fall on the next nor'easter, there are still about 28,000 customers looking out the windows of their unheated, unlit homes and preparing for a really crappy day. The largest number of powerless customers are in Hunterdon, Morris, Sussex and Warren counties, and you can bet they are calling the "customer service" hotline every three to five minutes, eager for an update. JCP&L notes it has been able to restore power to 190,000 homes thus far - which is darn notable. But if you are reading this by candlelight, we can only assume you are remarkably unimpressed.
ON THE RAILS - If you use your own helicopter to travel between New York and New Jersey, likely with your last name emblazoned on the side, you may not realize that most people actually need to travel through a tunnel to get past the Hudson River. And you may also be unaware that this tunnel was built more than 100 years ago and is heavily corroded because of Superstorm Sandy damage. And you may be surprised to know that 450 trains go through this tunnel each day, and that it is a critical artery affecting millions of people and billions of dollars. Also, as you zoom by for your six-minute "commute" from Bedminster to midtown Manhattan, you may also notice all those cars piled up, waiting to squeeze into a tunnel that was designed for your great-grandfather's Model T. Yet, still, our brilliant leader is convinced federal money should be invested elsewhere.
STATEWIDE - When you think about the classic American family,there's a clueless dad, the overbearing mom and the two little cherubs desperately counting the days until they go to college. But, in New Jersey, the typical nuclear family is much different. NJ.com combed through U.S. Census figures - always a great place to find a story - and learned that just 22 percent of households in the Garden State are married couples with children under 18 years old. Instead, the number of single-parent households, as well as households where no one is actually related, have increased. Throw in second marriages, unmarried parents, a crazy aunt and 40-year-old "kids" living in the basement, and you've got the changing face of the New Jersey "family."
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
AT THE COPY EDITOR'S DESK - Great news for people who write a Word of the Day, as Merriam-Webster has announced the addition of nearly 850 new words in its dictionary. Now, there are official words like "crytocurrency," "blockchain" and "cryptography," recognizing the weird and wacky bitcoin industry. There's "wordie," a lover of words; "mansplain" (ask the nearest woman what that means); "glamping," faux-camping with all the creature comforts of home, and "dumpster fire," an utterly calamitous or mismanaged situation or occurrence, aka "hot mess." There's even a Simpsons word making the updated dictionary. It is called "embiggen," quoting town founder Jebediah Springfield, who uttered the Springfield motto, "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man."
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1979 that the spring training season opened with amateur umpires, calling strikes. Or maybe they were balls. Really hard to tell.
WORD OF THE DAY
Woolgathering - [WOOL-gath-uh-ring] - verb
Definition: Indulgence in idle daydreaming
Example: Watching snowfall is the ideal moment for some good quality woolgathering.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Battering