The Jaffe Briefing - September 29, 2017
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
MAHWAH - Apparently, the grass, trees and air in Mahwah are the strict property of residents, so outsiders are banned from using the public parks. State officials are rightfully investigating an outrageous township policy that bans non-New Jersey residents from using municipal parks. Such a law seems to violate most of the U.S. Constitution and perhaps the Magna Carta. It's also quite un-neighborly. Let's use the same logic here: Imagine taking your kids into Central Park for a pretzel, and some NYPD cop giving you the boot because you reside in New Jersey. Ridiculous, right?
GALLOWAY - The latest historical figure to hate is apparently Richard Stockton, as Stockton University is now giving a critical look to its namesake, a signer of the Declaration of Independence. Besides being a patriot, Stockton was also a slave owner, prompting the Stockton Student Senate to convene a forum to discuss what should be done with a bust of Stockton that was donated to the school in 1982. The bust was last located in the university president's office, but has been removed temporarily, as all figure out how to weigh Historical Figure vs. Slave Owner, and somehow make everyone happy. Good luck with that.
BEACHWOOD - It finally feels like fall, so it is a good time to highlight the 10 most contaminated beaches in New Jersey, where you may have spent your summer. NJ.com is out with its latest list. Cutting to the chase, the most contaminated beach is Beachwood Beach West in Beachwood Borough, with 47 closures and 24 contamination advisories from 2005 to 2017, all for elevated bacterial levels. Other not-so-great beaches include: Windward Beach in Brick, Maxon in Point Pleasant and West Beach Avon Road in Pine Beach.
VERNON - School officials say people are making "a mountain out of a mole hill." So let's write about it. Social media has been abuzz that the new high school principal had a two-way mirror installed in her office before the school year, allowing her to see who is in the main office and strategically deciding who to ignore. The principal explained she didn't want her office to be a "fishbowl," NJ.com reports. Well, the good folks of Vernon apparently like plenty of transparency, calling for the sinister, one-way window to be removed. There's now a glass window viewable from all sides. Perhaps the principal will now relocate to the custodian's closet.
CLIFFSIDE PARK - It stated with a guy throwing coffee cups at restaurant patrons and ended with a six-hour standoff with the Bergen County SWAT team and cops from five towns. It began last night, with a guy throwing cups off the roof of a Palisade Avenue house. He then barricaded himself inside, touching off this odd standoff. Witnesses told NorthJersey.com of loud bangs, likely stun grenades or flash bangs, heard throughout the night, as cops tried to get this coffee cup thrower outside. It all ended peacefully around 2:15 a.m.; we're mostly just interested to learn if someone offered the man a cup of coffee. (With a huge spoonful of therapy.)
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
BERLIN - In a follow-up to yesterday's briefing, a German court has slapped a local donkey owner with a bill for 5,800 Euros, after the animal took a bite out of a $350,000 sports car. You may recall that "Vitus the Donkey" may have mistaken the orange McLaren for a giant carrot, chomping at the rear. That messed up the paint and a carbon-fiber piece on a vehicle worth more than 1,000 or so German donkeys. The donkey owner is stunned that this McLaren owner couldn't find a smarter place to park his precious car. But the court was not swayed, telling the donkey owner - who likely earns about 00.1 percent of the annual income of the McLaren owner - to pay the man.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1996 that America's playgrounds and sandlots were empty, bicycles sat in garages and footballs remained untouched, sitting on front lawns.Why? The release of Nintendo 64.
WORD OF THE DAY
Ensconce: [in-SKAHNSS] - verb
Definition: To place or hide securely; to conceal
Example: I ensconced a pillow under my desk so I can take a much-needed nap.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Fall