The Jaffe Briefing - May 5, 2017
STATEWIDE – Hola, it’s Cinco de Mayo. And that means some great specials on tequila shots and cerveza at some entrepreneurial bars throughout the state. But, what the heck is Cinco de Mayo, besides the Fifth of May? Google tells us it is a celebration of the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War (1861-1867). The holiday is no big deal in Mexico, where people have more important things to do. But Americans have jumped on the event as another excuse to go to a chain restaurant like Chevy’s and wear sombreros courtesy of Corona. NJ.com has some suggestions of where you can go tonight, as the rain will likely bring the fiesta indoors.
TRENTON – It’s like picking at a carcass here, but pollsters keep asking New Jerseyans what they think of Gov. Chris Christie’s performance. It remains dismal, Quinnipiac notes, with 77 percent of residents saying he’s doing an awful job. But that’s just lately, right? Well, no. The poll also reports that Christie’s entire time as governor is “mainly a failure,” according to 65 percent of those polled. “That is a terrible, terrible finding for the governor,” the pollster concluded. Meanwhile, however, those polled have high hopes for the new Hudson River rail tunnel – especially with all these maddening train delays – with 84 percent calling the massive infrastructure project “at least somewhat important.” Oh, and we also really like our public schools, the poll says.
BEDMINSTER – At least on this one morning, we all have something in common with the President. We all woke up, looked out the window and breathed in the glorious New Jersey air. Trump is at his golf club in Bedminster, arriving last night after hanging with Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull at the Intrepid. Get this: Total travel time for the President to loudly chopper from Manhattan to Bedminster. Ready? Seven minutes. We spend more time just trying to buy the Metrocard. Once again, it’s good to be the king.
VENTNOR – You gotta wonder what bureaucrats are thinking when they look at the calendar and schedule beach replenishment projects. They could start them in, say, October, for example. Or, perhaps, maybe, January. But, in Ventnor, local officials are breathing fire over a $63 million plan to begin the messy, loud project on June 8, run it smack through the Independence Day weekend and culminate around July 12 “or beyond.” To be clear, Ventnor officials warmly welcome the $63 million plan that will enhance 8.1 miles of shoreline, but, they say these “far-flung bureaucrats” – who likely wear white tube socks on the beach – need to recognize that people actually sit on the sand in summer.
EGG HARBOR – Time to clear house at the Atlantic County Utilities Authority, where a small-minded workforce is costing $97,500. An African-American employee is settling his suit, after some racist employees displayed Confederate flags in their vehicles and put a noose in his work truck, hanging it from a chair, NJ.com reports. The employee complained to managers, who professionally addressed the situation by telling the morons “to stop joking around.” There have been other complaints too, with allegations of comments of Mexican immigrants "heating up their rice and beans" and one lunatic displaying his tattoo of a swastika, visible from the agency uniform. Again: clear house.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
SYRACUSE, NY – Stick out your tongue and say…Dang. Byron and Emily Schlenker, a father and daughter in Syracuse, have both landed in the Guinness World Records for having the widest tongues. Dad’s tongue is somehow 3.37 inches wide, like the size of an iPhone 6, while his 16-year-old daughter’s tongue measures in at a not-so-shabby 2.88 inches wide. As you might expect, people’s mouths drop when the Schlenkers open theirs.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1975 that the A’s released the Major Leaguer with perhaps the easiest job ever, as pinch runner Herb Washington played 104 games without ever batting, pitching or fielding. Yet he somehow stole 30 bases and scored 33 runs.
WORD OF THE DAY
Coruscant – [kuh-ruhs-kuh-nt] - adjective
Definition: Sparkling or gleaming
Example: The light was brilliant and coruscant through my tequila.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Lluvia