The Morning Briefing - December 2, 2016
WHEREVER - Gov. Chris Christie says the media should stop being so darn interested in his career aspirations, as he has promised to fill out his term. Meanwhile, media all over the place are reporting the governor is vying to become the next chair of the Republican National Committee. Forget the fact that this guy loves to lie to us whenever expedient, the gig makes a lot of sense. Christie would sidestep the U.S. Senate for confirmation and doesn't have to rehash - yet again - the Bridgegate mess. He is ideally fitted for the national post, already proving to Trump he can be a blindingly loyal attack dog. Christie has our strong endorsement for the job. Congrats, best wishes and bon voyage.
FAIR HAVEN - We all know dogs are great at leaving poop. In Fair Haven, they are also doggone good at finding it. A team of specially trained dogs has sniffed out more than 70 spots in three towns near the Navesink River where human waste may be drip, drip, dripping into the water. The AP reports the dogs are focused on busted or leaking sewer pipes, failed septic systems and other crappy scenarios. "At first the scientists and the Ph.D.'s we brought down to look at the problem kind of looked at the dogs and said, 'What can they do?'" said Fair Haven Mayor Ben Lucarelli. "What started out as 'Are you kidding?' evolved into 'Wow, this is awesome!'"
IN SCHOOL - Retired cops itching to strap on a badge and gun again can thank Gov. Chris Christie for signing a law this week making them eligible to do security in public and private schools and on community college campuses. A few hitches for these "Class III" special officers: They must be under 65 and spry; work fewer than 20 hours a week; and not dare ask for medical or pension benefits. They must also get extra training so they know how to handle routine school-related problems. (Like, don't taze a kid who throws a chicken nugget.) Supposedly, this will save tax dollars? Can't see how; the law says these gun-toting retirees won't replace private rent-a-cops or on-duty cops with cushy assignments as "school resource officers."
WESTFIELD - It's not creepy, kooky or even a little spooky, but the historic "Addams Family" home where its creator Charles Addams lived from 1920-47 really needs a bigtime facelift. Renovations to the six-bedroom, 2½-bath Elm Street home are to begin later this month. Addams lived in the home when he created the cartoon that appeared in The New Yorker from 1938 until his death in 1988. It spawned live-action and animated TV shows, three movies and a Broadway musical featuring his characters Gomez and Morticia Addams, Uncle Fester, Lurch, Wednesday and Pugsley. Construction company owner Ethan Schoss told TapInto that this renovation "is one of the coolest things I have gotten to do, I plan on honoring the homes' unique history while updating and revitalizing it."
DOWN THE SHORE - This holiday, what do you give a guy who has everything? How about a beach tag for the Summer of 2017? NJ101.5 reports that tags make for some nice stocking stuffers, and that fact is well-known among shore towns looking for some winter cash. Sea Isle City, for one, has been marketing "holiday beach tags" for just $20 - a big break over the summer rates. If Sea Isle City is not your place to plop on the beach, you can also find the tags being sold in Avalon, Stone Harbor, Longport, Long Beach and Ship Bottom, among other lovely towns that we are unintentionally omitting. Town officials hope you gobble up the tags this December and then misplace them by, say, May 15.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
BLUEFIELD, W.Va. - A U.S. Army Staff Sergeant was able to handle pesky insurgents in Afghanistan. Yet the hookers walking by his home day and night are becoming a bit tough to handle. And so, reports the Bluefield Daily Telegraph, the soldier has put up signs on his front lawn, telling the prostitutes to take their business elsewhere. One sign reads, "Attention prostitutes ... Do not walk by this house 1000x a day waving your hand." He has also set up some high-grade surveillance video, linked to the local cops. He vows to move from Bluefield; hopefully not to Atlantic City.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Oof. It was this day in 2011 that former Gov. Jon Corzine is issued a subpoena, as investigators are curious where all the money disappeared from his brokerage firm, the collapsed MF Global.
WORD OF THE DAY
Thaumaturgy [THAW-muh-ter-jee] - noun
Definition: The performance of miracles
Example: Is Chris Christie vowing to be the master of thaumaturgy for the RNC?
WEATHER IN A WORD
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