The Morning Briefing - June 2, 2016
PATERSON – The principal at Eastside High School has been suspended, apparently allowing hometown dropout Fetty Wap to shoot his latest hip hop music video there after hours, with scenes of pot smoking and underage boozing in hallways and classrooms. The video for his song “Wake Up,” which has more than 3.2 million YouTube views, shows a scantily-clad woman gyrating on a stripper pole inside a classroom. School board members are rightfully aghast, questioning what administrator in his right mind would allow a lewd video to be shot on school property. Meanwhile, the Paterson Press interviewed students, who seemed pleased Mr. Wap made such a glorious return to Eastside. One kid said, “Everybody’s so happy because he represents Paterson.” Bring back Joe Clark — after you watch for yourself here.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Donald Trump seems pretty darn sure he can win New Jersey this November, telling Fox News host Sean Hannity: “I love New Jersey. I am New Jersey. (It's) like a second home.” Once again, proving to be the most presumptuous GOP presidential nominee ever, Trump tied his Jersey Boy status to the properties he owns here and the people who work for him. If Trump does manage to turn our traditionally Blue State into a sickly spray-tan orange this Election Day, he vows to “bring jobs back … cause New Jersey needs jobs.” Maybe he can begin in Atlantic City, where Trump Plaza is rotting on prime oceanfront property.
WOODBRIDGE – With deep concerns about the Zika virus, it is the ideal time for towns to crack down on abandoned properties and pools. Woodbridge, for one, has jumped all over it, launching its own attack on mosquito breeding grounds by filling in old swimming pools on abandoned properties. There’s more than 12 abandoned pools that Mayor John McCormac is targeting, NJ.com reports, with the town planning to empty and remove them, to the standing ovation of frustrated neighbors. And this is just the beginning, as the township cracks down on property owners with dilapidated pools.
STATEWIDE – Studies show that single men make better real estate investments than single women. But, NJ 101.5 reports a new study that proves New Jersey women are bucking that nationwide trend, earning 29 percent more on the big investment than single men. In our state, men earned a $30,000 profit; women reaped $38,000, RealtyTrac says. The answer is obvious: Who wants to negotiate with a woman from New Jersey? Based on decades of experience, you lose every time.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
QUINCY, Mass. – Don’t expect one dad to stop off for ice cream, after his 5-year-old son called the Quincy Police Department yesterday to rat him out for cruising through a red light. The boy tells the 911 dispatcher: "Daddy went through a red light." He then described the vehicle and then said they went through a car wash. The dispatcher then asks to speak to the boy's father, who gets on the line and mutters, "Oh, no." After a round of apologies and awkward laughter, no charges were filed.
LOS ANGELES – Most New Jerseyans know our dead can still vote long after they pass those pearly gates. And we seem just fine with it. But Californians have a different take, reeling after CBS-TV News compared millions of voting rolls to death records, and dug up hundreds of long-dead voters still routinely casting ballots. Most of the voting-dead – Republicans and Democrats – are buried in Los Angeles County. One woman, who died in 1988, has admirably managed to maintain an unblemished voting record for the past 26 years. County officials are baffled, shocked, furious and now demanding a full-scale investigation. Shrug. Yawn. Stretch. Repeat.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1774 that it got a little worse to be a British soldier. First, the king ships you across the pond to fight these stubborn ungrateful patriots for years on end. Then, you have to wear this conspicuous red uniform and powdered wig. And, then, there was this day in 1774 when the Quartering Act was enacted, allowing the colonial governor to make you live in abandoned homes, barns or even outhouses. And where’s the bloody tea?
WORD OF THE DAY
Uxorial – adjective
Definition: A characteristic of a wife
Example: I had big plans for a cigar night with the boys, so I made sure to cut the grass without the usual uxorial prompting.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Okely-dokely.