The Morning Briefing - May 12, 2016
JERSEY CITY – Expect some break dancing to break out on the streets of Jersey City, as city leaders are once again allowing residents to use Boom Boxes in public. NJ.com reports that Jersey City is apparently bowing to the Boom Box lobby, amending its noise laws to end the decades-old ban. Expect Kevin Bacon and the rest of “Footloose” to dance down Grove Street – just as long as the Kenny Loggins music isn’t “plainly audible” from 50 feet away during the day.
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – By the time Donald Trump makes his Garden State fundraising swing next Thursday, he will probably already know which celebrity-supporter, Kid Rock or Wayne Newton, is headlining his huge inauguration. The overconfident Republican frontrunner has, after all, already picked Gov. Chris Christie to head his White House takeover team; roped ex-rival Ben Carson into finding some submissive VP picks; and told his campaign manager Corey Lewandowski to vet them. Christie is an unlikely VP choice, but Trump claims his pal is among “five or six” on the short list, which may or may not include former Secretary of State Condi Rice, Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer and Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin. Smart money is on a southern belle with great hair.
IN THE COURTS – It's either the most anticipated disclosure since “Who shot J.R.?” Or the biggest letdown since Y2K. Of course, we're talking about Bridgegate's “unindicted co-conspirators.” Now, U.S. District Judge Susan Wigenton has agreed with New Jersey's news media: The public does have a right to know who helped engineer and cover-up the five-day shutdown of GWB access lanes. But, even the judge hinted we probably already know the names, saying those involved are “public employees and/or elected and appointed officials.” Her disclosure order is likely to be appealed. Even so, releasing them is unlikely to shock anyone. But it keeps this story limping along another day.
AT HOME – Think of spanking your smart-ass kid? It might set him straight now, but it may lead to worse behavior later in life. Spanked kids – like us – are more likely to be antisocial, aggressive and settle scores by writing snarky morning emails, says researchers from University of Texas and the University of Michigan. After analyzing 75 studies of 150,000 children spanning 50 years, study authors tell CBS News that while many people think spanking is an old-fashioned, outdated method of child-rearing, at least 80 percent of today's high school kids have gotten a red tush from time to time.
LAKE COMO – The town bid a fond farewell yesterday to its police department, shutting the doors on the 10-member force that no one wanted to pay for anymore. Now, your parking tickets will come courtesy of the Belmar Police Department. Lake Como residents refused to pay the extra $700 each year required for the honor of having their own police department. Wonder if they will auction off the holding cell, which would make for some interesting home décor, or another great way to punish those damn kids we can no longer spank.
CLINTON – Firefighters often grab a cat from a tree; it really comes with the job. And so it makes perfect sense that recruits were thrown into a real-life situation during training Monday night. NJ.com says Annandale Hose Company firefighters rescued seven newborn kittens from their training site, which simulates a burning building. Instructors and recruits heard meows from one of the rooms, discovering kittens suffering from the intense heat and smoke. Suddenly, there was a full-scale response, with emergency workers wrapping the newborns into a towel inside a box. There was oxygen tubing deployed, saturating the air around the gasping newborns. 911 was notified; the Lost Paws Animal Rescue in Pittstown was dispatched. A vet was notified and prepared for the emergency arrival. Kittens were saved! Want one?
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
PORTLAND, OR – Obviously the biggest, most pressing concern of an airline is to ensure that some fat guy gets a beer. And, so we don’t understand why Alaska Airlines seems to be enraged with this passenger, whose ruckus caused the plane to be diverted. The beer drinker is now declaring himself “not guilty” to charges of interfering with the flight crew, after threatening to beat people up if flight attendants don’t deliver the suds, pronto. The passenger then threw a tantrum on the March fight from Sacramento to Seattle, locking himself in the bathroom, pounding on the door and shouting for a Coors Light or equally crappy beer. Then, he demanded a hug from a stewardess. The pilot decided it was wise to land in Portland and get the guy off the plane. Apparently, that beer was never served.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was on this day in 2006 that Jim finally mustered the guts to kiss Pam.
WORD OF THE DAY
Resplendent – re·splend·ent – adjective
Definition: Attractive and impressive through being richly colorful or sumptuous.
Example: Expect the VP choice of Donald Trump to be nothing short of resplendent.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Fine.