The Morning Briefing - April 21, 2016
STATEWIDE – Plenty of chaos yesterday in New Jersey schools – mixed with cheers from students and jeers from faculty – as the kids were unable to access the PARCC test. The company that administers the test, Pearson, claims it was able to fix the problem for this morning’s testing. Apparently, some well-intentioned employee tried to improve the system Tuesday night, but created a technical glitch that shut down the whole system. Meanwhile, red-faced state education officials, which pay around $22 million or so each year for the test, apologized for the company’s “failures,” saying the mess is “totally unacceptable.” Amused students are hoping Pearson botches it again this morning.
TRENTON – Interesting to see the mess that the new governor will inherit, as Gov. Chris Christie says it's unlikely he’ll raise state taxes for the remainder of his tenure. "I haven't signed a tax increase over six and a half years," Christie told 101.5 FM. "I'm unlikely to." That was in response to a question about a Democratic plan to cut three taxes in exchange for a much-needed increase in the gas tax to pay for road and bridge repairs. With a Democrat expected to win the gubernatorial election next year, it’s as if this future election winner will be painted into a corner on Day One in Drumthwacket.
RIDGEWOOD – Streets signs here must be pretty darn special. Thieves have stolen nearly 40 of them since last August. The pillaging had gotten so bad that village officials offered amnesty last fall just to get the signs returned. But, the Bergen Dispatch says, police caught a break and found some missing street signs after a boastful Wyckoff man posted a Facebook picture with some of the missing street signs in the background. The 30-year-old is to appear in municipal court next month on theft charges. A victory for the Village People.
NEWARK – City officials can’t win. They are able to strike an impressive deal with Uber, after a very public, month-long standoff, to allow the ride-hail company to operate at Penn Station and the airport. With Uber agreeing to pay $1 million to the city each year for the privilege, it seemed a slam dunk for the Baraka Administration. But now you have the Newark Cab Association and the Communication Workers Association protesting at City Hall, claiming city officials just sold out the local cabbies for $1 million and demanding that Newark kick Uber out.
NEWARK – Reserve your Uber early today, as the Jimmy John’s on Halsey Street and franchises across the state will be selling $1 subs for Customer Appreciation Day. Get your bargain-basement lunch between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m.; only one sub per person, no delivery and only for sandwiches numbers 1-6 on the menu, as well as the BLT. Assume sandwiches 1-6 are all peanut butter on white bread and a small soda is $6.
YOUR WALLET – As a slave owner who pushed for the Indian Removal Act of 1830, President Andrew Jackson had an amazingly long run on the $20 bill. But, with modern-day thinking, the U.S. Treasury has decided to replace him with Harriet Tubman, an escaped slave who freed hundreds of others through the Underground Railroad. Other big changes to your wad of cash: Three leaders who fought to expand civil rights for women, minorities and the oppressed will replace the image of the Lincoln Memorial on the $5. (That’s Marian Anderson, Eleanor Roosevelt and Martin Luther King, Jr.) And Alexander Hamilton, who started and ended his career in American politics in New Jersey, gets to stay put on the $10 bill – likely because of all the popularity of his play. When contacted for a quote in the afterlife, Aaron Burr shouted, “Damn you, Hamilton!”
SWEDESBORO – Is Leonardo DiCaprio really ditching Hollywood for South Jersey? The 41-year-old Oscar winner reportedly told the gossip site Bashfeed that he's longed for “crisp, country air” ever since starring in the 1993 film “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” So, why wouldn't New Jersey leap to mind (cough)? The website claims DiCaprio is selling some real estate holdings – that includes Malibu mansions and pricy Manhattan apartments – to live a simpler lifestyle in this tiny Gloucester County town, home to fewer than 2,600 people and the nation's oldest still-standing log cabin. DiCaprio allegedly scouted many South Jersey towns before settling on Swedesboro, saying, apparently: “I think it’s time I got back to my roots.”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
ST. JOSEPH, Mo. – With word that McDonald’s was considering an all-you-can-eat option for fries, cardiologists across America were upgrading their BMWs with the sport leather package. But, alas, it appears the special deal is only for one restaurant in St. Joseph, somewhere north of Kansas, to mark its belly-busting opening. There was talk that this promotion is a special test of unlimited fries across the planet, but McDonald’s says “No.” Customers can only buy the super jumbo mega option, as opposed to the “unlimited” version.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1952 that Secretary’s Day was first celebrated. There have been many changes since, such as a change of name to Administrative Professional’s Day. For bosses who think the appropriate gift is yesterday’s uneaten pastries, or perhaps a $1 sub at Jimmy John’s, prepare yourself for a year of undrinkable coffee.
WORD OF THE DAY
Mythomania – (mith-oh-MAY-nee-ah) — noun
Definition: A compulsion to exaggerate or tell lies.
Example: When I say I usually buy a new bottle of Justin Bieber’s cologne at least once a week, and generously apply the intoxicating scent throughout the day, my wife claims I suffer from mythomania.