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The Morning Briefing - April 4, 2016

TRENTON - The Assembly Environment Committee will be poking the bear today, holding a hearing to talk about all the aging, crumbling water pipes in New Jersey and to figure out if there is any more lead contamination that we all need to worry about. This is all prompted, of course, by the big lead scare in Newark, where school officials had to shut off water fountains in 30 school buildings. Not to ring alarm bells here, but there there are plenty of schools and other buildings across the state that are just as old as these Newark schools. State officials will be asking good, honest questions today. They just need to be prepared for the honest answers. 

MONTCLAIR - It's never hard to find someone with an opposing opinion in Montclair, rational or not. Take for example the nearly 100 low-income Montclair families who were given free Wi-Fi hotspots on Saturday, as part of a four-year program through "Montclair Kids First" to help ensure all students have access to the Internet. Nice, right? Yet TAP was able to find someone who actually opposed the program, quoting a resident who claimed, "Short term access to free internet is not likely to make a dramatic difference in student educational achievement." Wow. And, here's another gem from this resident: "I wouldn't be surprised if the goal isn't a mailing list for future political activity or to get in the good graces of people less fortunate." Precious; would love to hear her opinion about food banks. Perhaps she would say: "Short term access to free food is not likely to make a dramatic difference in overall hunger." 

LITTLE FALLS - A roadside biker bar whose clientele does not include the Starbucks-swilling, iPad-charging, Ecco-wearing community in northern New Jersey will somehow be saved - even as the state rips up the area for a Route 46 interchange project. It is pretty amazing, the Record reports, that the state Department of Transportation was able to design the $150 million project to save the landmark Great Notch Inn from the bulldozer. Yes, the dive had to lose about 30 percent of its land through eminent domain for a new road that will parallel Route 46 and connect with new roundabouts at Valley Road in Clifton and Rifle Camp Road in Woodland Park. Most people will never see the inside of the well-worn, neon nightspot - likely because of a lack of gourmet, wheat-based craft brews with thrice-filtered spring water. But, the Great Notch Inn will somehow rock on. 

HILLSDALE - A conservative, Florida-based Christian legal-aid group is suddenly interested in school policies at Pascack Valley Regional High School, which is following many other school districts in New Jersey in better accommodating transgender students. The Liberty Counsel - those lawyers who made national news by supporting that Kentucky clerk who refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses last year - is now threatening to sue the Pascack Valley Regional High School District, claiming its proposed policies violate rights of other students and is fighting to "prevent irreparable harm to cherished liberties." Meanwhile, school officials tell the Record their policy is on strong legal footing.

STATEWIDE - Just when you thought there was no other possible insurance to buy, here comes cyberbullying protection. Warren-based Chubb Limited may soon bring cyberbullying insurance to the Garden State, the Record says. The coverage, already available in four states, is part of a "Family Protection" option for homeowner policies. It insures families against child abduction, carjacking, home invasions, stalking, and now cyberbullying. Let's say cyberbullying causes you mental anguish, or to be wrongfully fired, falsely arrested or mistakenly disciplined in school. Chubb's coverage would pay to up $60,000 in damages. That even covers public relations services to help repair damaged reputations. Hmm. 

TEANECK - Wild turkeys are at it again and officials are squawking. Aggressive wild turkeys are bringing traffic to a standstill, denting cars, blocking building entrances and one even caused $6,000 in damage to a home after it crashed through window and went on a kitchen rampage, the Record reports. Health officials says the grousing is justified. But because wild turkeys are state protected, the town can't touch them. So, state officials are coming to a public meeting at 8 p.m. tomorrow to talk turkey with residents. Worried the birds may be a hazard, especially to curious children, Deputy Mayor Elie Katz said: "Kids will think they're cute and adorable until they lose an eyeball." 

LITTLE EGG HARBOR - Is this a real whodunit or not? Mayor Eugene Kobryn is demanding an independent investigation into what he says is "a clandestine unauthorized probe" of municipal employees done "by persons unknown." The mayor wouldn't say how he knows this, so his claim is confusing the Township Committee and town administrator, The Sandpaper reports. Equally baffled was Public Works Director Patrick Donnelly, who the mayor says quit his job because of the secret probe. But, Donnelly says his departure is no big mystery; he just got a better job elsewhere. Meanwhile, the mayor has halted all contract negotiations and insists on hiring a gumshoe to get to the bottom of the mystery.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS 

NEW ORLEANS - If anyone doubts that Louisiana is the world's prison capital, here's more proof: A city resident is looking at 20 years of hard time, at least, for stealing $31 in candy bars from a dollar store. That's courtesy of the state's controversial habitual offender law, with this guy already convicted on five previous crimes, the New Orleans Advocate reports. "Isn't this a little over the top?" Judge Franz Zibilich said when presented with the case. "It's not even funny. Twenty years to life for a Snickers bar." 

THIS DAY IN HISTORY 

It was on this day in 1995 that New York Sen. Alfonse D'Amato ridiculed Judge Lance Ito, using a mock Japanese accent on the Don Imus show. No surprise, D'Amato was apologizing within two days, quietly muttering a statement in a near-empty Senate chamber. 

WORD OF THE DAY 

Abyssopelagic - (ah-BIS-so-pah-lah-jik) - adjective 

Definition: Of, like or pertaining to the depths of the ocean. 

Example: Will the Mets meet at the hype this year, or will they end up abyssopelagic in the standings?