The Morning Briefing - February 17, 2016
TRENTON - While it is swell that Gov. Chris Christie wants to make a huge contribution to the state pension fund, he's ignoring the state's transportation woes to make the magic happen. In his budget address yesterday, the governor said we all must be in la-la land, as we keep saying the Transportation Trust Fund is helplessly broke, while all our roads and bridges are flaking away. "To imply that the TTF is in crisis and is suddenly and unexpectedly 'running out of money' is politically driven mischaracterization," he said. Meanwhile, as widely reported yesterday, the governor's former transportation head, Jamie Fox, said last year: "We're in a crisis. The sword isn't hanging over the Legislature, it's hanging over the people who rely on transportation." So, no, the governor won't raise the gas tax to fix bridges and roads, which are apparently not a priority.
TRENTON - An interesting devil in the details is the $250 million in "savings" Gov. Chris Christie expects from employee health insurance. Under cheaper plans, state workers would have to opt for more generic drugs, pay higher co-pays or have "new delivery methods" for primary care services, Politico reports. "Absent any reforms, get ready for this, state costs for government worker and retiree health insurance would increase this year by $487 million," Christie said. A health benefits committee will now do a deep dive into the state insurance program, obviously tasked with finding $250 million to cover the gap the governor intentionally created, as, he says, "none of you can afford this type of spiraling growth."
VERNON - Going skiing with your kid is a great bonding experience, unless someone dares to get in your way. Perhaps it's some snot-nosed loser who slips in front of you in the lift line, or maybe cuts you off as you swish-swish down the slope. Well, one anesthesiologist from Mountain Lakes refused to take another minute of the injustice, police say, as he is charged with punching a 12-year-old boy in the mouth and hitting him with a ski pole. The snow-rage happened Sunday at Mountain Creek, when the kid fell into the father and his child, the Record reports. The good doctor is now charged with aggravated assault and child endangerment. But we bet this damn kid got the message, right? ...Right??
ATLANTIC CITY - Casino revenue will fund another three years of the Miss America pageant at a cost of $11.9 million. That's an increase of $4 million since the last three-year deal. But Atlantic City is not exactly in the best bargaining position, as it teeters on bankruptcy and state takeover, with the eight remaining casinos preparing for new competition if North Jersey is allowed to open its own casinos. Plus, the question remains whether anyone from New Jersey really cares about this pageant. Yeah, yeah, it has been in the city since 1921. Yeah, history. Yeah, recognition. Yeah, other stuff. But, $11.9 million? You can pay a lot less than that in New Jersey to broadcast beautiful women in swimsuits.
WEST ORANGE - Using doggie DNA to catch owners who don't scoop the poop is raising the ire of some residents at the sprawling Villas at Eagle Ridge condo complex. A new condo association rule orders canine owners to submit DNA samples from their pooches or face fines that start at $100 and rise to $250 per week for owners who give the Jersey salute to the condo board. One resident told CBS2 News the idea seems "a little extreme," and others fear it may lead to losing their pets. The condo board is giving residents a chance to bark, howl, snarl and growl about the proposed rule tomorrow.
HILLSDALE - A letter carrier ran afoul of a belligerent rafter of wild turkeys and sought safety inside his postal truck yesterday. The uninjured mailman called his postmaster, who in turn phoned police just after noon to mount a rescue, the Record reports. Wild turkeys are large, plump birds that can weigh up to 25 pounds, stand up to 30 inches tall, and get a bit hostile when hungry (or around Thanksgiving). Sgt. Joe Mazzeo and Officer Tom Smith showed up within minutes to scare off the seven aggressive gobblers, allowing the mailman to continue, unscathed, on his appointed rounds.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
CAIRO - Egyptian officials want to arrest a guy who claimed on TV that a third of married women in the country are sleeping around. The claims have prompted a social media uproar, with the prosecutor accusing the man of slandering Egyptian women and damaging their purity. His remarks aired on a talk show, which the Egyptians slapped with a 15-day suspension. The man has a popular Facebook page, "Diaries of a Suffering Husband," with more than one million followers. He also slammed arranged marriages, noting cheating wives seek out men they can actually stand. If convicted, the Facebooker is looking at three years in jail for sharing his blasphemous opinion.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1876 that Julius Wolff became the first person to ever can sardines.
Yet it would be 140 years before this joke appeared in the Morning Briefing:
Q: What did the sardine call the passing submarine?
A: A can of people.
WORD OF THE DAY
Infundibulum (in-fen-DIB-yah-lem) - noun
Definition: A funnel-shaped bodily passage, opening, structure, or part.
Example: After trying out the new barber, I'm convinced my head looks like an infundibulum.