The Morning Briefing - November 6, 2015
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – It’s amazing that Gov. Chris Christie will forever be linked to the likes of Mike Huckabee, as the pair was told last night that there is no room at the next GOP debate for marginal candidates polling less than 2.5 percent. Christie and Huckabee will be bumped from the main stage, to some undercard where they should get plenty of talking time, while George Pataki and Lindsey Graham have been cut from the lineup altogether. Perhaps they can all debate in the parking lot, standing on a Corolla. Will any of the clueless candidates bow out of the race? Nah.
PENNSVILLE – Here’s a perfect lesson for a high school civics class on the importance of voting: A local school referendum vote ended in a tie, which means the school district won’t be allowed to spend $14.7 million on upgrades to the schools. The vote came in at 1,509 “yes” to 1,509 “no,” NJ.com reports. Fortunately for the school district, voters gave the thumb’s up for a second $20.9 million bond referendum for school work. But for anyone who really wanted that extra school project, but was busy at home waiting for the cable guy, lesson learned.
WALL – The story that has captivated people near Exit 100 of the Garden State Parkway has ended, with word that two wandering goats have finally been captured after two months. But, after some investigation into these goats, it was learned they are actually a mama sheep and her kid, NJ.com reports. They were finally nabbed 7 a.m. yesterday when a neighbor let the humane society set up a trap, using alfalfa and goat feet as bait. First, mama sheep squeezed through, followed by her hungry offspring.
RANDOLPH – There’s a bizarre story about the former superintendent of the Randolph schools, charged with arson this week for setting fire to his own garage last month. The Record reports that David M. Browne decided it would be best to quit his job two weeks after firefighters found him burned outside his enflamed garage in Wyckoff. Browne is still in the hospital, as cops are eagerly awaiting on the outside, with handcuffs. There’s a lot more to this story; could be a scorcher.
HOBOKEN – It must be a rough-and-tumble pizzeria on Halloween, where one guy was shocked with a stun gun when he told another guy the seat next to him was already taken. Fortunately, the victim happened to be an off-duty cop, and now the assailant is looking at a bunch of assault charges, NJ.com reports.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
SEATTLE – The next time your kid bombs an algebra test, tell him this story: Workers at Pike Place Market have the gruesome task of removing more than 1 million gobs of gum that have been stuck to the walls of Post Alley over the past 20 years. Assume these workers also bombed their algebra tests and now are stuck chiseling off goo for the foreseeable future. Remember kiddies: 1x plus 2x = a lifetime of not having to do disgusting jobs.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was one year ago today that Olive Garden gave up on its “Never Ending Pasta Pass,” sold at $100 to the first 1,000 people who signed up. The restaurant was surprised the deal sold out in just 45 minutes, but how bad could that be? One Burlington, Vermont man made the Olive Garden his second home, eating there twice a day, every day, for six weeks, Yahoo News reports. One year ago marked a sad moment for the restaurant, as the man plunked down at a table for his 100th meal, totaling $1,510 in consumed pasta.
WORD OF THE DAY
Frisson – noun
Definition: A thrill
Example: I experienced a frisson of excitement when I learned that tomorrow is Saturday and I can finally sleep in.