The Morning Briefing - May 4, 2015
** It is conference season! And that means the Morning Briefing will be off – uh, conferring – on Monday, May 11 and returning Tuesday, May 26
TRENTON – The bubble insulating Gov. Chris Christie is hanging in the wind, as two more former insiders will be in court today to respond to indictments in the Bridgegate mess. Both say they are innocent on all nine counts. But it appears the issue has little to do with punishing Bill Baroni or Bridget Kelly. Rather, law enforcement and the Democrats egging on this investigation want to see if they turn on the big guy – prompting what could be the greatest fall of a former U.S. attorney and anti-corruption crime-fighter.
TRENTON – What does Bridgegate have in common with the 1980s sitcom “Cheers”? Absolutely nothing – until Friday, when the actress Kirstie Alley became a trending sensation on Twitter as David Wildstein pleaded guilty for his involvement in the infamous lane closures. There was confusion on Twitter between “Christie ally” and “Kirstie Alley,” prompting her to tweet, “THIS is how rumors once again get started.”
TRENTON – Of no great surprise to anyone, Gov. Chris Christie has no public schedule today in New Jersey, according to the AP Daybook’s morning list. And Lt. Gov. Kim Guadagno is attending the groundbreaking of a middle school in far-off Gloucester County, where there will, of course, be no media availability.
SUMMIT – If you Google “NFL” and “revenge porn,” you immediately begin reading about the New York Jets. (Sigh). That’s because linebacker Jermaine Cunningham is on the cutting edge of the revenge porn issue, set to appear in court on Wednesday to answer to a decade-old state law, the first of its kind in the country. Apparently, it is illegal for Cunningham to send naked pictures of a woman to her friends and family, following a “domestic incident” in Summit. Cunningham’s attorney vows he will be exonerated on all charges - also including a gun offense. But the whole ordeal sends a chilling message to anyone with an iPhone and an axe to grind. Maybe don’t press “Send.”
AT THE BAR – You can bet the marketing gurus behind Bud Light are looking for a new advertising agency this morning, after the latest slogan has caused a national firestorm of criticism. Unclear who was writing the ad copy for Bud Light – and who thought it was a perfectly good idea – to include a tagline on the bottle that reads “Remove NO from your vocabulary.” Beer companies are forever walking the fine line of being edgy, but not over the top, as they try to convince the public that their mass-produced brew is better than someone else’s mass produced brew. Bud Light was excoriated by comedian John Oliver, suggesting the beer “tastes like someone drank a good Mexican beer and urinated in a Bud Light bottle.”
Like that one? Oliver offers other Bud Light slogans:
• “It tastes like the flat soda that a homeless guy uses to rinse off burns.”
• “It’s like a liquid version of a John Mayer song.”
• “Bud Light tastes like the urine of a scared rabbit.”
• “It tastes like Robert Durst’s aquarium.”
• “It tastes as if a raccoon ejaculated carbonated vinegar into in old log.”
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
MIAMI – One Florida man argues a trashcan may be a great place to dispose of coffee grinds or an old tomato, but it’s not the place to discard his amputated leg. He is suing a hospital in Coral Gables, after workers chucked his leg in the trash - with his nametag still attached, Reuters reports. He was contacted a month after the surgery by homicide detectives, wondering about the discarded leg and checking if any other body parts may be missing. Nope, just the leg, the man replied. But it is against Florida law to just throw a limb in the trash, prompting his lawsuit.
PHILADELPHIA – We now know it takes more than $300 to bribe city workers assigned to reassess property for potential tax hikes. A South Philly man is now facing bribery charges for stuffing $300 in the pants of a tax assessor, and then refusing to take the money back. The evaluator gave the wad of cash to his supervisor, prompting the man to be arrested for bribery and Philadelphia to declare, “We are not for sale!” (Or, psst, give us more than $300.)
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2012 that sociologists figured why so many kids drop out of school in Asia’s biggest cities: 90 percent of the drop-outs are near-sighted.
WORD OF THE DAY
Gongoozler – noun
Definition: An idle and inquisitive person who stares at things of random interest for long period of time.
Example: “Sorry, Boss, I was four hours late for work today. You see, I am a gongoozler…. Heading to lunch now. You want anything?”