The Morning Briefing - March 5, 2015
RUMSON – With more snow, state offices and schools closed, and Gov. Chris Christie declaring a state of emergency before fleeing back to the campaign trail, it seems like the lead story of the day is this: organizers of the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Rumson are planning an investiture cocktail reception tonight at the local Salt Creek Grille. Breaking news: Irish people may enjoy a drink every now and then.
TRENTON – The sizzling steak and the smoke rising off the plate was apparently not enough proof for one guy that the dish could be hot. But a state appellate court says this Applebee’s diner won’t get money for the burns he suffered while bowing his head in prayer over the fajita skillet. The diner says his waitress did not tell him the sizzling fajitas were hot, but a judge in a lower court ruled something like: “Duh, of course it is going to be hot, you moron.” The diner told the court – likely to its great amusement – how he bowed his head and then heard a loud sizzle. The man panicked and dropped the hot food in his lap, which, of course, was the restaurant’s fault, as well.
RIDGEWOOD – It seems the state attorney general has no interest in getting involved in this mess in Ridgewood, where the former public works inspector somehow made off with an estimated $850,000 in quarters from the parking meters, the Record reports. The theft took place over three years; the former employee admitting to the crimes, yet only getting probation for this gross abuse of the public trust. The Ridgewood cops, rather than the attorney general, are investigating even though the theft took place right under their noses, repeatedly, every day, for three years.
ELIZABETH – As kids take the controversial PARCC test and seem generally unaffected by the whole process, there are some adults acting like children. NJ.com tells the story of an Elizabeth mom posting signs on trees urging parents not to have their kids take the test. She took it a step further, passing out valentines goody bags with candy, a toothbrush, an opt-out for the PARCC, a flyer about a documentary highlighting all the ills of standardized tests and a poem: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I refused PARCC and so can you." No clue if the PARCC is somehow bad for kids. But perhaps we can focus on supporting them through the testing, rather than telling them not to trust the schools and this is all “optional.”
IN THE MEDIA
The National Review magazine, a former friend of Gov. Chris Christie, has leaked its cover for Friday’s issue, showing a cartoon of our governor attempting to cross the Delaware River in a sinking boat with dollar bills pouring overboard. The article is expected to focus on how Christie hasn’t been able to revive the state’s economy. Bad news for Presidential ambitions; The National Review is read by the base of wealthy conservatives, as they swirl their brandy and order someone to put more wood on the fire. Christie won’t be able to blame the biased liberal media for this one, noting in an interview with CNBC that he loved the must-read magazine. Not anymore.
HOLLYWOOD — Art imitates stock photos? Next time you’re thumbing through that Office Depot catalog, see if that’s Vince Vaughn in his ergonomic chair, conducting corporate team-building activities, or possibly entertaining a client. That’s because Vaughn and his Unfinished Business co-stars, Tom Wilkinson and Dave Franco, are part of an arrangement between Twentieth Century Fox and iStock by Getty Images to create a set of stock photos to coincide with the film’s release. The results are, as expected, hilarious.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 1934 that the geniuses of Amarillo, Texas conceive “Mother-in-Law’s Day,” offering up plenty of back-handed compliments like, “Oh, you bought me another handkerchief. How nice of you to be so concerned about my mucous.”
WORD OF THE DAY
Argle-bargle – noun
A Cockney term meaning “argument,” often describing a worthless and pointless, yet energetic, conversation
Example:
Tim: What's all the hullabaloo?
Kim: Mom and her dim son-in-law Jim are caught up in an argle-bargle because he bought her a handkerchief for Mother-in-Law’s Day.
Tim: What the hell is Mother-in-Law’s Day?
Kim: No clue, ask all those stupid people from Amarillo. It was their idea.