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The Jaffe Briefing - November 27, 2017

OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
 
ONLINE - If you're reading this, you are obviously taking a break from online shopping.  Perhaps you need a moment to mull over that red turtleneck for Uncle Mel, or maybe you are dropping some Visine onto your bloodshot eyeballs. That's because you've been likely glued to your computer screen, joining the throngs for a record-breaking day of cyber sales. It's Cyber Monday, of course, and the deals are for those with no interest in getting mauled at malls. (33 great Amazon deals here.) But do the boss a favor, though, and sneak in an hour of work, will ya?

NO LONGER NEW BRUNSWICK - Former Rutgers football coach Greg Schiano seems to have lost out on a terrific head coaching gig at the final moment. The University of Tennessee is backpedaling on a MOU for him to take over Volunteers football, after some public vitriol. Widespread criticism included at least two Congressmen, a coffeeshop owner, the White House press secretary, and throngs of fans claiming Schiano knew about the Jerry Sandusky child sex abuse scandal while working as an assistant at Penn State in the 1990s, ESPN reports. Schiano still has his gig as Ohio State's defensive coordinator, but expect him to keep choppin'.
 
 
EDISON - Two intrepid cops caught "The Grinch" green-handed trying to steal Christmas from a home in this Central Jersey Whoville. Sentenced to "community service," the notorious Dr. Seuss character will spread his own version of holiday cheer to kiddies throughout Edison starting this Wednesday evening, helping officers with their annual Toys For Tots drive. The Grinch's nightly schedule is on Edison Police's Facebook page.  Parents should bring along a new, unwrapped toy if kids hope to get a selfie with The Grinch. He doesn't do anything for free, ya know.
 
 
TRENTON - A tried-and-true practice in Washington is for friendly lawmakers to find a soft landing with lobbying gigs at the friendly companies who they helped over the years on Capitol Hill. So, why should New Jersey be any different? ROI-NJ reports the very unsurprising story of the former head of the New Jersey Economic Development Authority, now working as general counsel for a utility awarded $12.6 million in incentives by the EDA. Pretty standard stuff, really. But a good catch for ROI-NJ.

YOUR OFFICE - Notice that running toilet, or that heating system that just doesn't seem to work? Yet your company is likely spending more money than ever in office rent, reports the Wall Street Journal. Rents in New Jersey are nearing an all-time high, at $26.86 a square foot, just shy of a record from 2001. Property owners ain't no dummies, looking for cheap fixes that will attract higher rents, like unnecessary yoga studios, even more unnecessary outdoor lounges with firepits and outrageously unnecessary beach volleyball courts.  It's all great stuff for the trendy new companies, targeted to pull a profit in, say, 2028.
 
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
 
YOUR DINNER TABLE - Looking to unload that aging turkey carcass? Former Massachusetts governor and 1988 Democratic presidential also-ran Mike Dukakis might be your guy. The Boston Globe reports that Dukakis collects Thanksgiving turkey carcasses to make soup for his extended family. Now, he's extending the offer to anyone with meat on the bone, giving his home address (for real and published in the paper) for anyone who wants to drop off some picked-through, quickly decaying bones. We'll leave the former governor with the last word: "Throwing out a turkey carcass is sinful. Absolutely sinful. It's a terrible thing to do. There's so much richness and goodness in a turkey carcass, God."
 
 
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
 
Maybe it was a little premature at the time, but it was this day in 1870 that The New York Times proclaimed baseball as "The National Game."
 

WORD OF THE DAY

Anneal - [uh-NEEL] - verb
 
Definition: To heat and then cool (a material, such as steel or glass), usually for softening and making less brittle.
 
Example: Mike Dukakis has the remains of a turkey perfectly annealed.
 
WEATHER IN A WORD

Sun

Posted in Morning Briefing

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