The Jaffe Briefing - November 13, 2017
OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
BERKLEY - If someone told us two years ago that Ivanka Trump would be hanging out at the Bayville Fire Hall, we'd be looking at the sky for flying pigs. But you can catch her trucking down Route 9 this morning, for a 10:30 a.m. meeting with official, card-carrying "regular people" to talk about the Republican tax reform plan. Ivanka will remind us that her dad is all about the middle class and giving them the meaningful tax relief they deserve. Once the photographers get their shots, unclear - or, dare we say, doubtful - Ivanka will stick around for the fish fry and the 50/50. If Ivanka is interested in returning, perhaps to host a gala, the hall rents for $850 for five hours.
ATLANTIC CITY - The 102nd-annual League of Municipalities conference kicks off tomorrow, the ideal place for people remotely involved in the Phil Murphy campaign to take a victory lap. It is also a great place for others to say, "Hey, I was with Phil all the time. We're pals. We're buds. I even went to Germany when he was the ambassador and suggested he run for governor!" Far fetched? Ridiculous? Well, then you haven't been to the League and tried to comprehend the gibberish around 2 a.m. or so, following the 11thparty of the evening.
NEWARK - As we are all still trying to recover from the sugar shock of Halloween, Mars Wrigley Confectionary is eyeing a triumphant Brick City comeback, nearly 60 years after it retreated way out into the Jersey burbs. TAPInto Newark reports that the international candy manufacturer has applied for a 10-year, $31.5 million Grow New Jersey grant to open shop in a new seven-story, mixed-use project adjacent to the Prudential Center. A really sweet victory for Newark.
IN THE SPIN ROOM - There were not many bright spots in Lt. Gov. Kim Guadagno's gubernatorial campaign - unless you compare her showing to Barbara Buono's even more depressing 2013 gubernatorial bid. Not sure what the takeaway is when NJ 101.5 reports that Guadagno beat Buono's vote total by more than 68,000 votes, except maybe to show how remarkably fickle the New Jersey electorate can be when our governors close bridges (allegedly), yell at everybody and then fail to be President.
IN THE MEDIA
IN THE GARDEN - Newsweek has shown some interesting editorial judgment, assigning an old boys' club a fitting name: The Garden of Dicks. This is, according to the weekly mag, the place where male entitlement is so massive that many men assume women will "let you do anything," as our president famously observed. It's also the place where men can emasculate potential foes, as exhibited when the president's former chief adviser, Steve Bannon, called House Speaker Paul Ryan "a limp-dick motherf**er." Well, 30 years after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that sexual harassment can be an actionable form of sex discrimination, and after countless women are stepping forward to levy harassment charges against powerful men, this secret garden is now, um, exposed.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Another way to beat the cops in the interrogation room: excessive flatulence. A detective fled the interrogation of a Kansas City man charged with drug and gun offenses, unable to withstand the odor. In his report, a detective seeking the suspect's address, said 24-year-old Sean Sykes Jr. "leaned to one side of his chair and released a loud fart before answering." The Kansas City Star reports Sykes kept it up, ultimately driving the detective away to fresh air. The public defender has not yet responded to media inquiries, likely consumed with surfing the net for a gas mask.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was on this day in 2014 that the Islamic State announced it was creating its own currency to remove itself from the world's financial system, which it deems "satanic." The logic is unclear: How do you become a world power if you refuse to participate in the global economy?
WORD OF THE DAY
Roué - [roo-AY] - noun
Definition: A man devoted to a life of sensual pleasure
Example: There are plenty of roués in the Garden of Dicks.
WEATHER IN A WORD
Posted in Morning Briefing